How Would I Describe It?

I can't even begin to describe how I am feeling right now.

Today is the first moment in a couple of weeks I've....a) had a little time to blog, and b) sought of felt like blogging. Sought of, in the sense that there's alot of things externally moving rapidly around me, but I feel quite calm and centred. I'm not on a high, I'm not on a low. I just am.

I usually blog when I'm at one end of the (emotional) spectrum or the other. I think I may have found the word...Hiatus. Maybe someone can come up with a more apt word.

It's like I'm in the eye of a cyclone (sorry, but cyclone Yasi is foremost in my thoughts at present). There's turmoil all around me, but I'm feeling strangely calm and unaffected.

I'm feeling better than I was two weeks ago. I'm finally feeling rested and even though I'm not back training 100%, energy-wise, I'm feeling good about where I am, and steadily gaining momentum. I haven't touched weights for 2 1/2 weeks, but that's okay. I've needed the rest. I've been mainly doing cardio, pilates/stretching, activation work and resting when I can. However, resting for me is when I get to bed, so getting to bed earlier is when I get to rest.

I'm back under 60kg's and I think that by next week I should get in under 59kg's. Nutrition hasn't been 100% in the last couple of weeks, but I haven't gone stupid either. The rest hasn't had a detrimental affect scale-wise, which is comforting. My crash has stalled things a little, but that's life, and it's now business as usual.

I haven't been on the net much at all. To be honest, I've been too busy. I have to be super organised to get everything done without having to rush around all stressed. I hate that! Being stressed and running around like a chook with its' head cut off, that is.

There have been moments that I've had time to stop for a short while and appreciate things around me. Currently, we have a little family of Blue Wrens living out back amongst all the trees. This week, I've stolen moments to look out into the back patio and watch them flitter around and listen to their beautiful warbles and chatter. The part I love most is watching them flit around in the gardenia bush we have (which is quite large), and then promptly flitter down to the bird bath and flutter in and out, cooling themselves down and taking small sips. They are such busy little bees and they scurry around and flit here and there, all the while churping away so beautifully. I could watch them all day.

Here's what they sound like...just delightful!




The other moments I've been spending with Philomena after school. And it's so nice to be able to walk home and chatter about her day at school, come home and just be with her. I've been determined that while I'm reorganising my life, that I do what I need to do while she is at school, as best I can, so that we can have more relaxed time before and after school. Though, in order to achieve this, it means that I have to be brutal and plan and organise everything down to the nth degree to ensure I have this time.

So at the moment I'm in a good place, and looking forward to February...oops! Just realised that it is February...lol... And tomorrow is my birthday. I'll be 42, and it's great to be able to say that I'm still Fit-n-Fab-at-42!

And what better way to spend the day on my birthday, reviewing where I'm at, and updating my current training program with my fabulous, effervescent, and vastly talented exercise physiologist, Liz. It's exciting for me to think of the changes I'm bringing about in my body, both from a functional point of view as well as an aesthetic one. I can only dream of what I'm going to feel and look like in another couple of years.

Of course, no birthday would be complete without some indulgence. I've been dreaming about having Vietnamese tomorrow, and I know exactly what I'll be having...Beef and Tripe Noodle Soup! And to continue the celebrations, Friday night I'll be doing coffee and movies with my school friends of some 35 years or so, which I can safely get through without too much of a dent calorie-wise. Oh...and lunch with the lovely Wendy (and old friend Andrew hopefully) on Friday arvo which may not escape the possibility of beer-battered chips (my favourite).

It's just occured to me how many people I've connected with via Blogland, both 'out there in blogosphere' and face-to-face, and continue to connect with...love it!

Now the celebration doesn't stop there though. Next weekend I'll be spending the weekend at Novotel Twin Waters Resort. It'll be just me and AW (Philomena is having a 2 night sleepoever). We head up on Friday, and on Saturday I'll be attending the Craig Harper workshop 'Stop Fu#%ing Around', which I think will be extremely beneficial for my headspace and help me refocus. And I get to meet Craig Harper himself, and catch up with the lovely Nicole too...so I'm looking forward to that! And on Sunday, AW is going to a cooking class in Deagon called 'Chocolat'. He's always wanted to do a chocolate cooking class, so that was his Christmas gift from me and Phil.

So by the end of next weekend, I should be jumping out of my skin and ready for the next phase of my health and fitness journey, after a good rest.

Anyway...gotta go. This took longer than I anticipated. Sorry about the timing. I know that Cyclone Yasi is what is on everyone's minds, including mine, but today was the only time I had a chance to blog.

Lastly...just a bit of an announcement. This week I hung up my Personal Success Mentor boots with Ideal Bodies Online. It's been a wonderful couple of years, and I'm a little sad, because IBO has been such a huge part of my life since 2008. My life has been changed in so many ways in which that I cannot begin to explain. And the opportunities afforded me, as a result, have been and still are, multiplying exponentially. Thank you to Sue Heintze - owner of Ideal Bodies Online, and Kristin Gleeson for all their wonderful help, understanding, encouragement and inspiration! Of course it's not goodbye. It's just that life is taking yet another direction as I continue to grow and move forward.

The Cold, Hard, Sting of Reality...

"Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead. We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces."

~Sigmund Freud

On the Cold, Hard Sting of Reality...

Yep...Woke up to one of those this morning...a Reality Slap!

I finally got some scales. I was jumping for joy until I got on them. OMG...65.3kgs! This is the heaviest I've been in 2 years! How's that for a reality check? I weighed about 62kgs only a month ago. And I think I definitely put the last nail in the coffin being on holidays last week.

So I've been deluding myself for a little while now, thinking that I'm still looking okay. But it's time to own up to the facts, so I can do something about slipping back to some place where I said I would never return to...FATVILLE! 'Year of the Sexy Bitch' has turned into 'Year of the Slovenly Bitch'. One of those nasty Seven Deadly Sins...Sloth...has found me again.

I could beat myself up about it, but I won't. It's time for some action. There's still stuff to sort out over the next 4 weeks, which is when Christmas arrives. I will have a brand, spanking new, nutrition and exercise plan for 2011 and I'm excited. I want to get rid of this sloth again, and I hope to do it faster this time.

I have finally sat down and finalised my new training goals for next year. My first priority will be to lose the weight and get lean as quickly as possible, so I can feel good about myself again and concentrate on the remainder of my goals. I will use the rest of 2010 to clear all the debris from my life; tidy up loose ends and discard things I've taken on, so that next year I can concentrate and focus on my health and fitness again.

So why have I put the weight back on? The simple truth is, I've consumed more energy than I've expended!

Regardless of all the reasons and excuses I can give you and myself - the cold, hard reality is I haven't continued to work hard on the 'expenditure' side of the equation, and my nutrition usually falls behind when my training does. It's that simple!

Look...I've lost the weight before when things have been much more challenging, so why I can't I do it now? Well, I can. It's just that I haven't had the same focus as I did when I did my first Ideal Bodies Online program. I haven't been prepared to make the same committment as I did then. In the end, that's all it is. When you lose focus and you don't keep recommitting to your goals, other things will soon replace them.

Life has changed. But instead of losing sight of your goals, it's important that you re-evaluate them and ensure that they evolve along with your life. I think it's important to put in place mechanisms to review your life in a systematic way each year - times to reflect and think about your life and your goals.

Life has a way of becoming so crazy and we get caught up in the momentum of events and situations that are sometimes unwittingly created by ourselves and/or others. And before you know it, you've failed to stop and find the time to look back to review and if required, re-design your life. Your life begins to shape you instead of the other way around.

I think a way to address these changes is to look at the natural ebb and flow of your year. Look for windows of time and opportunity where you know that outside influences are going to be less of an issue, and use that time to create and form some new goals and habits.

Personally, I think the lead-up to Christmas and Christmas itself is one of the worst times to begin something new (though I still did it because I was super focused on achieving my goals). Inevitably, outside influences will hamper most people's efforts in change.

However, if you used the time BEFORE this to either establish or re-establish some goals, you might find that during the busy and crazy time of Christmas that you will experience less angst and more contentment to go with the flow, because you've achieved or partly achieved these goals and feel more in control. And it may not be Christmas time for you - it might be Easter or other times in the year, where outside influences are too strong and will thwart any attempts at long-term change you have planned.

So I'm moving forward with this in mind. A life still full of goals and plans, but one which is more intuitive, where I build in mechanisms to allow for the natural ebb and flow of life. A life where I can still achieve my goals on one hand whilst retaining balance: achievment AND contentment!

On Catching up with Friends...

During our break in Caloundra, I had the fortune of catching up with both Michaela Muller and Nicole Lambert (both previous IBO gals). We caught up for coffee and a nice chat. It was great to be able to do that and I learnt so much from our exchanges.

The above picture was taken at Michaela's first comp back in May 2009. She competed again this year, and placed, and has big plans for 2011, and I look forward to seeing her progress in her body building aspirations. Michaela has come so far from the days I first knew of her from Ideal Bodies Online. She has now completed her Personal Trainer qualifications and is out there meeting people in her area of interest, i.e. body building, expanding her horizons, and is always learning more and more and growing as a person. She's a real inspiration and an example of what you can achieve with continued focus and determination!

After Michaela left, Nicole and I chatted on for ages, and before we knew it, hours had zoomed past. Looking great, I commented to Nicole on how different she is now to that person a couple of years ago. I don't mean just in a physical sense, but I noticed how her whole demeanour has changed and that you wouldn't recognise that person that was Nicole - that's just how far she's come in her life.

Now a triathlete, she makes me tired hearing of her accomplishments this year alone, and I also look forward to watching her achieve in her aspirations next year. I have a feeling she's going to make some huge leaps next year, after all the challenges and setbacks she's faced in 2010!

In Ending...

I still haven't been around much in blogland, and confess to having less desire to be on the computer. As I've intimated, I've been cutting the superfluous from life, or just things that are taking up more and more time away from the really important, and one of those things is spending time on the computer. I'm getting more done being away from it, and I value my time so much more these days. I plan to continue spending more time away from the computer and living my life goals, rather than living it vicariously through just talking and dreaming about it.

I'll end with where I am at, quoting from one of Craig Harper's thought-provoking posts titled 'The Quickest Way to Create Internal Shift'....

"So, what is the single quickest way to create interenal shift? To change the way we think, feel, interpret, react, cope, expect, process, intereact and communicate? Three simple words: Experience new things. Do Different to Be Different."

"...the place I've always learned the most, had my biggest breakthroughs and experienced by biggest (internal) shifts was when I stepped out of my overthinking mind and experienced new things."