The Cold, Hard, Sting of Reality...

"Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead. We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces."

~Sigmund Freud

On the Cold, Hard Sting of Reality...

Yep...Woke up to one of those this morning...a Reality Slap!

I finally got some scales. I was jumping for joy until I got on them. OMG...65.3kgs! This is the heaviest I've been in 2 years! How's that for a reality check? I weighed about 62kgs only a month ago. And I think I definitely put the last nail in the coffin being on holidays last week.

So I've been deluding myself for a little while now, thinking that I'm still looking okay. But it's time to own up to the facts, so I can do something about slipping back to some place where I said I would never return to...FATVILLE! 'Year of the Sexy Bitch' has turned into 'Year of the Slovenly Bitch'. One of those nasty Seven Deadly Sins...Sloth...has found me again.

I could beat myself up about it, but I won't. It's time for some action. There's still stuff to sort out over the next 4 weeks, which is when Christmas arrives. I will have a brand, spanking new, nutrition and exercise plan for 2011 and I'm excited. I want to get rid of this sloth again, and I hope to do it faster this time.

I have finally sat down and finalised my new training goals for next year. My first priority will be to lose the weight and get lean as quickly as possible, so I can feel good about myself again and concentrate on the remainder of my goals. I will use the rest of 2010 to clear all the debris from my life; tidy up loose ends and discard things I've taken on, so that next year I can concentrate and focus on my health and fitness again.

So why have I put the weight back on? The simple truth is, I've consumed more energy than I've expended!

Regardless of all the reasons and excuses I can give you and myself - the cold, hard reality is I haven't continued to work hard on the 'expenditure' side of the equation, and my nutrition usually falls behind when my training does. It's that simple!

Look...I've lost the weight before when things have been much more challenging, so why I can't I do it now? Well, I can. It's just that I haven't had the same focus as I did when I did my first Ideal Bodies Online program. I haven't been prepared to make the same committment as I did then. In the end, that's all it is. When you lose focus and you don't keep recommitting to your goals, other things will soon replace them.

Life has changed. But instead of losing sight of your goals, it's important that you re-evaluate them and ensure that they evolve along with your life. I think it's important to put in place mechanisms to review your life in a systematic way each year - times to reflect and think about your life and your goals.

Life has a way of becoming so crazy and we get caught up in the momentum of events and situations that are sometimes unwittingly created by ourselves and/or others. And before you know it, you've failed to stop and find the time to look back to review and if required, re-design your life. Your life begins to shape you instead of the other way around.

I think a way to address these changes is to look at the natural ebb and flow of your year. Look for windows of time and opportunity where you know that outside influences are going to be less of an issue, and use that time to create and form some new goals and habits.

Personally, I think the lead-up to Christmas and Christmas itself is one of the worst times to begin something new (though I still did it because I was super focused on achieving my goals). Inevitably, outside influences will hamper most people's efforts in change.

However, if you used the time BEFORE this to either establish or re-establish some goals, you might find that during the busy and crazy time of Christmas that you will experience less angst and more contentment to go with the flow, because you've achieved or partly achieved these goals and feel more in control. And it may not be Christmas time for you - it might be Easter or other times in the year, where outside influences are too strong and will thwart any attempts at long-term change you have planned.

So I'm moving forward with this in mind. A life still full of goals and plans, but one which is more intuitive, where I build in mechanisms to allow for the natural ebb and flow of life. A life where I can still achieve my goals on one hand whilst retaining balance: achievment AND contentment!

On Catching up with Friends...

During our break in Caloundra, I had the fortune of catching up with both Michaela Muller and Nicole Lambert (both previous IBO gals). We caught up for coffee and a nice chat. It was great to be able to do that and I learnt so much from our exchanges.

The above picture was taken at Michaela's first comp back in May 2009. She competed again this year, and placed, and has big plans for 2011, and I look forward to seeing her progress in her body building aspirations. Michaela has come so far from the days I first knew of her from Ideal Bodies Online. She has now completed her Personal Trainer qualifications and is out there meeting people in her area of interest, i.e. body building, expanding her horizons, and is always learning more and more and growing as a person. She's a real inspiration and an example of what you can achieve with continued focus and determination!

After Michaela left, Nicole and I chatted on for ages, and before we knew it, hours had zoomed past. Looking great, I commented to Nicole on how different she is now to that person a couple of years ago. I don't mean just in a physical sense, but I noticed how her whole demeanour has changed and that you wouldn't recognise that person that was Nicole - that's just how far she's come in her life.

Now a triathlete, she makes me tired hearing of her accomplishments this year alone, and I also look forward to watching her achieve in her aspirations next year. I have a feeling she's going to make some huge leaps next year, after all the challenges and setbacks she's faced in 2010!

In Ending...

I still haven't been around much in blogland, and confess to having less desire to be on the computer. As I've intimated, I've been cutting the superfluous from life, or just things that are taking up more and more time away from the really important, and one of those things is spending time on the computer. I'm getting more done being away from it, and I value my time so much more these days. I plan to continue spending more time away from the computer and living my life goals, rather than living it vicariously through just talking and dreaming about it.

I'll end with where I am at, quoting from one of Craig Harper's thought-provoking posts titled 'The Quickest Way to Create Internal Shift'....

"So, what is the single quickest way to create interenal shift? To change the way we think, feel, interpret, react, cope, expect, process, intereact and communicate? Three simple words: Experience new things. Do Different to Be Different."

"...the place I've always learned the most, had my biggest breakthroughs and experienced by biggest (internal) shifts was when I stepped out of my overthinking mind and experienced new things."

Shakin' that Ass!

Pauline Nordin








Pauline Nordin

"I see you baby...shakin' that ass!"

...and I'm over it! Shaken' my ass, that is.

At the moment, this is my inner dialogue..."I'm fat...my ass is huge..." Every time I walk past a window or a mirror and see my reflection. From the front it's not so bad, but when I turn around, I can see where my size 10's are currentlly straining in my gym shorts. I wore my 'daggy, fat gym clothes' today as punishment! I have all my beautiful Lorna Jane gym clothes hanging up in my cupboard, and I refuse to wear them until I'm at least 58kg! That will be my reward. :)

I'm about 4-5kg over my happy weight (I think I'm about 62-63kgs) and it's all gone to my ass, hips and stomach. I don't know my exact weight because my stupid scales decided to go spastic, and it seems I have to take them back. But do you think I can find the warranty and receipt? HELL NO! ****Word of Warning: Don't buy HoMedics scales - they're crap!

This is the heaviest I've weighed since my initial weight loss and second Ideal Bodies Online program, back in October 2008. So I've managed to maintain a pretty good weight for 2 years until recently.

This year I've put the weight back on because I haven't been able to train consistently or intensely, due to a chronic hip injury. What I've found though, is that my discipline in relation to nutrition goes hand-in-hand with my training. If I'm training consistently and with intensity, I stay focused on my nutrition. So the nutrition has definitely slid in the last few months.

What has improved though are my injuries! Since I've been concentrating on basic lifting, i.e. deadlifts and squats, my torso, glute and back strength and stability have improved. And I haven't even had the chance to really do the lifting over any decent length of time with consistency yet. It also has alot to do with the activation exercises that Liz has prescribed, and also the retraining I've had with weights, ensuring I'm activating the correct muscles.

I'm finding that I'm now using my glutes more, rather than my hip flexors, and using my back muscles, rather than my traps. So I've had less pain and tension in both my neck and shoulders, and better stability through the torso and hip and pelvis. For the first time in nearly 10 months, I've been able to run (road) without any stiffness or subsequent pain or discomfort to my RHS hip!

So...in spite of the weight gain, I've made progress in the rehab side of things, which I'm understandably very excited about! Even after I recently strained by lower back, from not bracing correctly during the last set of deadlifts, my recovery was alot faster than in previous times, where I've hurt my back. So now I can finally concentrate once again on training consistently and hard! Though, I'm finding that my endurance levels have decreased, so I'm having to build them up again.

I had a look back at my second IBO program to look at my starting weight. It was 61.7kgs and I was at 19.9% body fat. Well, in 3 months I was down to 58kgs and 54.75kgs after depletion and 11.6% body fat. So I know that I'm only ever 3 months away from getting lean!

That's all I need...3 months of consistent, solid work and precise nutrition! So as Kek has mentioned lately, I'm going to finish the year off strong (thanks Kek!). 2011 is going to be an AWESOME YEAR and I intend to get back on top of my game and definitely make it THE year of taking my fitness to the next level, like I had originally planned for 2010.

I already have a name for 2011, but I'll tell you as it gets closer to the end of the year.

I hope you like the pics. They are my idea of great butts! Pauline Nordin of course, has by far, the best butt. Well I think so anyway...lol.. I'm hoping that I get a better looking butt in 2011, but I know it will take alot of squatting and lifting heavy shit! I'm no where near lifting heavy shit, but who knows what may happen in the future. I've just got to keep working on it. Realistically though, I also know that to get a great, firm and muscular butt will probably take me a number of years to achieve.

So for now I'll just keep shakin' my ass, until the darned thing falls off!

Wk 29...Growing into My Own Skin

Well I just snuck in on Wk 29, which officially ends today. I've been extremely busy with our 25 year high school reunion, being the main organiser. It's been 18months in the making, and the big night arrives on 4th September. Without my two helpers, it would have been impossible to pull this off and have the numbers we expect on the night. With 235 students in our grade 12 year of 1985, it's been a mammoth task trying to find people. Even with the numbers we have, there have been so many we haven't been able to get in contact with.

There's alot of excitement in the air, and people are really looking forward to the night. I think after 25 years and reaching our 40's, there's a different feeling toward what a reunion means to people. Most have reached a stage where they're feeling comfortable with what they've done in their lives - good and not-so-good, and who they are. There's a certain level of maturity and confidence that comes with getting to this stage. And I think that's why we're more willing to share our lives now.

You reach an understanding that whoever you were 25 years ago, is most probably not going to be that person now, and that whatever happened back in high school was just a part our lives and people have moved on....people have changed. We are now more accepting of who we are at this point in time, and also more accepting of others, because we've all been on a journey.

Of course, there a still those who may have not moved on, or aren't inspired to 'reconnect', for want of a better word. And you know, that's okay. We all may be on a journey, but we're all at different stages. It's comforting to know that I feel okay with this...with wherever it is you are...they are...I am.

So my apologies if I haven't read your blog lately, but there are more pressing things happening at the moment. In fact, there are too many pressing things. So it's time to reassess my life and schedule. I intend to drop some things and open up more of my time to spend where it's more important to me. After the reunion is finished, it will probably be a great time for some renewal of soughts. I want to do less, but do better at doing less - if you know what I mean.

This year has been a totally different year to last year in more ways than one. As far as my fitness and fat loss, well it's not the entire focus of my life as it was last year. I've reached some goals and milestones as part of that focus, and I'm now living those goals and dreams that I worked so hard for.

I am now in the Army Reserves, and for the first time in 13 months, I am finally starting to relax, go with the flow and am beginning to enjoy it. Now I'm really starting to enjoy being a 'digger, and 'blowing shit up!'...lol...

I have kept off the weight and been able to maintain a satsifactory level of fitness, as well as my nutrition for the majority of the time. Still not as fit as I'd like, but given the circumstances, I'm happy with where I'm at. And I'm back in the (commercial) gym, although not as consistently or as much as last year. Best of all, I'm finally starting to make some real long-term progress with my muscular imbalances and hip/pelvis strength and stability. It's slow, but it will be better for me in the long term.

I'm a personal success mentor for Ideal Bodies Online, and I really enjoy it. It keeps me on track and reminds me of where I've been and come from.

I've started back at martial arts...albeit the fact my training is still a little sporadic. More on that later in this post.

I'm chairperson for our unit complex body corporate committee, as well as treasurer/secretary for another body corporate committee.

And of course, I'm doing the most important job in the world...being a mother and a wife! And without all my other roles and interests, I don't think I'd be the role model for my little girl that I would like. However...sometimes being something to everyone else is not always the most beneficial to all concerned, especially my daughter and husband, and of course me.So with all these changes, my gym training and nutrition hasn't been the sole focus of my life. I mean, really, it can't be if you want to enjoy longevity and balance in your life.

I'm quite comfortable now and growing into my own skin, more and more as I rediscover who I am in this life. That's what I love about reaching this age and stage of life. I haven't got everything down-pat 100% of the time, but I'm okay with that.

The key I think, is being contented without becoming complacent!

This year I've been down a couple of paths I thought I wanted to go down. But I discovered different. Sometimes what you think you want isn't always conducive to who you are. That's the discovery I made going down the Crossfit path. Yep...a big AHA period for me - Crossfit is not for me! I originally thought if I couldn't do Crossfit, it meant I had failed, because I knew inherently that to be the fittest I wanted to be, doing Crossfit was it. Of course, this is warped thinking, and I've been down this path before - thinking that one thing or one way was the 'only' way to be the best.

Surprised???

With my imbalances and injury (hip) I realised that I wasn't going to get any stronger doing Crossfit. I wasn't making any gains. In fact, I was sliding backwards. I needed the time and control to focus on using my muscles correctly, which Crossfit couldn't realisticly afford me. I was so exhausted, I couldn't function properly or at my best in other areas of my life, i.e. Army and Martial Arts.

The reality dawned on me...it was Crossfit OR Army and Martial Arts. I couldn't do it...my body couldn't do it all.

So now, I'll be focusing on my health and fitness goals which are conducive to 'doing me'. Martial arts still is my passion. But to do it well, you need to invest time into skill development. Also with the Army, it can be very physically demanding and requires strength and endurance. So weights/resistance training will always be part of my life. I just need to train smarter, by looking at my life and what I want to do, and devise a program and schedule which supports those things and supports me excelling in those areas. All the while, being aware that physio/rehabilitation is part of my training if I want to make real and lasting progress.

My weight last week came in at 61.4kg after an Army 'carbed-up' weekend, despite the fact it was a very physical weekend. I'm still aiming for the 57kg mark, but to get there by 4th September is not looking good.

I'm not panicking. I'm still looking fairly lean compared to the majority, though I'm thinking how soft and fat I'm looking. Of course, I'm always comparing myself to my photoshoot where I was a lean 54.75kg, which is not a realistic weight for me. So I'm still carrying around 4-5kg's of bodyfat, and it's all on my hips, stomach and thighs (mostly)...yada...yada...yada..

But I'm okay with that. 4th September is a good goal and I think I could easily drop those kilo's. I might even do a mini-depletion. Okay...haven't I just yacked on? Time to go...

Oh...found a dress for the reunion, but I'm not telling! All I'm going to say is that I love the back! ;)

Wk 28...On Gratitude & Being Triumphant

The above trailer is from the movie Precious, and is based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire. If you haven't already seen the movie, then I'd highly recommend it. If you don't mind a bit of 'in-your-face reality', it's a rather gripping movie.

The main actress, Gibourey Sidibe is absolutely brilliant, and the other actress who was also a standout is Mo'Nique. Their complex character portrayals are so insightful...so raw...so believable, that you become inextricably caught up in them. You're transported to another world which you're happy and grateful that you weren't born into it.

It's been that sought of week...observing other people's worlds, whether through fact or fiction...through books or movies. It's always interesting to take a glimpse of what it would be like to live in someone else's reality. For some reason, the films that move me the most are the ones that also make me uncomfortable. Usually it's because the content can be so disturbing.

One movie that comes to mind that made me feel sick inside was 8mm with Nicolas Cage. It's about snuff movies (a porn movie ending in death). I didn't even realise that these worlds existed. These soughts of movies really shake me up and I feel quite unnerved inside for some time after. The residual effect can be quite draining and can leave me feeling extremely sad and depressed. It's hard to explain, but it's like a certain 'evil' or unnatural vibration which permeates your soul and shakes you up. As it says in the above synopsis of 8mm..."You have to be a really sick person to enjoy this movie." It was a difficult movie to watch and is quite graphic and gory in parts. So be warned!

And lastly, I've just started reading a book I picked up at the op shop for $1 (I love op shops!) It's called 'White on Black' by Ruben Gallego about his life in Russia as an orphan with no hands and no feet. This is the preface 'On Strength and Goodness'...

"People sometimes ask me whether what I write actually happened. Are the heroes of my stories real?

I answer: It did, and they are real, more than real. Naturally, my heroes are collective images from the endless kaleidoscope of my endless children's homes. What I write, though, is the truth.

The sole characteristic of my work that departs from, and at times even contradicts, the authenticity of real life is my authorial view, which may be rather sentimental, occasionally breaking into pathos. I purposely avoid writing about anything bad.

I'm convinced that life and literature have more than enough of the dark side. It's just so happened that I've witnessed too much human cruelty and hate. To describe the vileness of man's fall and bestiality is to multiply the already endless chain of interconnected blasts of eveil. That's not what I want. I write about goodness, triumph, joy, and love.

I write about strength. Spiritual and physical strength. The strength each one of us has inside. The strength that breaks through all barriers to triumph. Each one of my stories is a story of triumph. Even the boy from "The Cutlet", a rather sad story, triumphs. He triumphs twice. First, when out of the chaotic mess of his useless knowledge, and for lack of a knife, he finds the only three words that have any effect on his adversary. And second, when he decides to eat the cutlets - that is, to live.

Those whose sole victory is their voluntary departure from life triumph as well. The officer who perishes in the face of a superior opponent, who dies according to regulations, is a victor. I respect such people. All the same, what's most important about this man are the stuffed toys. I'm convinced that sewing teddy bears and bunny rabbits all your life is much harder than slitting your own throat once. I'm convinced that on humanity's scales of a child's delight in a new toy vastly outweights any military victory.

This is a book about my childhood. Cruel and terrible though it was, it was still my childhood. It doesn't take much for a child to retain his love for the world, to grow up and mature: a bite of lard, a salami sandwich, a handful of figs, a blue sky, a couple of books, and a kind word. That's enough. More than enough.

The heroes of this book are strong, very strong people. All too often a person has to be strong. And good. Not everyone can let himself be good, and not everyone can overcome universal misunderstanding. All too often, goodness is taken for weakness. That's sad. It's hard to be a human being, very hard, but altogether possible. And you don't have to stand on your hind legs to do it. Not at all. I believe that."

It's all these stories that once again remind me to be grateful of the life I have and enjoy.

What I like about these stories, whether fact or fiction, is that, in spite of everything, as Ruben Galago puts it...they are 'stories of triumph' (except for 8mm). Generally, I prefer stories of triumph, even though in reality that's not what always happens. But triumph doesn't just have to be about how it ends. It's about the small ones along the way that make all the difference in people's lives...our lives. What's most important is that we collectively, over a lifetime, have more triumphs than failings.


My husband and I were discussing the dramas that happen in people's lives. People we know, people we've heard about. We often agree that we lead quite boring lives...very little (self-induced) drama. We are a 'happy little family' and compared to other families, our lives are quite mundane from the perspective that we wouldn't be good fodder for reality TV.

But that doesn't mean that our life is uninteresting. Quite the contrary. What can help make life interesting I believe, is the fullest involvement and awareness of all your senses and faculties, of what is going on around you, and the interest and compassion you show for the people you come into contact with. As Jesus' second commandment says, "Love your neighbour as yourself". If we could all do this, wouldn't the world be so much happier?

* Weigh-in 60.9kg's

Wk 26...Crazy Busy!

Sorry, but I just haven't had the time to read anyone's blogs this week! I hope to get around to reading your posts this weekend. It seems like everything comes together at once. And around the general craziness, my training is always my first priority (apart from Philomena). So...training comes first in line with Philomena, then everything else comes second.

There's been alot of stuff going on in my head that I would have loved to blog about, but the time just isn't there at the moment. I'm organising my high school reunion (along with my two wonderful helpers)...Springwood State High School Class of '85. It's been a work in progress for nearly 18months, and the event is nearly here...September 4th. The RSVP's and payments have started flooding in, as well as emails to be replied to and receipt of monies confirmations to be sent, so it's been a little hectic since June 30th.

There's alot of excitement building up to the night, and we expect between 150-200 people for the night. I've finally starting thinking about what I'm going to wear, and even though we've got 'smart-casual' as the attire, I think something more dressy will be the order of the night, as it looks as though we'll be heading to Cloudland for after-reunion partying. Heck! We haven't seen each other for 25 years, so there's alot to discuss and good times to catch up on.

So I'm looking at Cocktail dresses, and I know exactly what I want! The trouble is finding something to match what I have in my head. I know I want something to show off my shoulders and back (as I should be leaner by then), and am trying to find something which is sleeveless on one side, with a long sleeve on the other; exposed back and a hem which reveals a little leg (sought of hankerchief cut) on one side and tapers into some length on the other. I want something a little showy, but also elegant. I will be getting a spray tan, I've decided and having my hair done like when I had my photo shoot. I loved how my girlfriend did my hair - it was fabulous! I sought of figured as the creator and key organiser of the event, I should dress more stylish than 'smart-casual'.

Now...training and weight. Loss of 300g which isn't so bad considering that I caved in to some temptations during the remainder of last week. Not all the time, but spasmodically after last Wednesday. It was only my training that saved me. So over two weeks my loss has been 600g per week. When I look at it this way, then I feel much better. Only 4.1kg to hit my goal weight of 57kg.

This week I've been much better with my nutrition, though with the increased training and volume I've been ravenous come around 4-5pm! Last year I was training evenings, so I'd have meal 4 before I left, then a post-workout shake after training, and come home to eat meals 5 and 6. I never really got hungry. This time round, I'm training days and am finding this window of time a bit of a challenge. After Meal 4 at round the 5pm mark, I'm still hungry! So I've had some little extras after Meal 4...naughty, naughty! Nothing major, but last year I was 100% on my nutrition, and I'd like to repeat that.

I have to admit that it's a real challenge to be training 5 days per week with weights on 4 days and cardio 5 times per week. Last year I was training 5-6 days per week with weights I think on 3-4 days. I would do cardio 6 times per week with at least 30-45min's of cardio post weights, and 45-60min's cardio on non-weight training days.

Sheesh! I'm finding it mentally challenge to get back into the swing of moderate intensity cardio after weights. But it's good for me. It's good to push myself again. The thing is, after the workout is finished I feel great, and I'm not feeling smashed. It's just that I have to re-train my brain to focus again. Though, I'm not lifting heavy at this stage. However, it requires immense concentration to ensure I'm using and activating the correct muscles while I train.

So it's 4 training sessions down and 1 to go to complete the week. I've got some nice DOMS happening, but nothing too major at this stage. I'm feeling muscles I don't normally feel, like my lats, hammies, glutes (awesome!), adductors, deeper abdominals, and not getting the tension in my upper traps and neck (woohoo!).

It's an amazing feeling when you get to a stage where you are aware of what muscles you're actually using, and you can start to switch them on or relax them at the right time. It just goes to show that you never stop learning about your body and you must always strive to connect with it, if you want to make progress.

Okay...raving now...will stop. Feeling great again! It feels sooooo good to train consistently again, eat well (most of the time) and to be losing the fat (though it's not visible at this stage). And the best part is...I'm training without injuring myself! I'm back on the mend.

Oh the pic!...I just love Pauline's shoulders and arms...the striation and vein popping is just AWESOME isn't it?

Wk 25...Back on Track

Finally...the scales are moving! And it's not because I'm coming down from a carb-loaded weekend. It's refreshing to know that my body responds to a proper diet and increased exercise, so quickly.

My loss on the scales this week was 900g, bringing my weight down to 61.4kg. I'll know things are starting to buzz along when I get back under the 60kg.

So I'm back on track, albeit slowly. It feels so good to be training consistently again and hitting the weights and cardio. I have to admit, it hasn't been an easy return. I now have a program I'm following, and hope to be riding the wave of consistency and intensity within a month or so. At the moment, I'm starting gently and will increase my sets and weight gradually as I gain confidence and fitness.

My program is pretty basic, but I'm really enjoying it. It's a real challenge for me, because I'm starting from scratch and am having to re-learn some basic lifting techniques, in the bid to pinpoint my activation problems and work out how to recruit the correct muscles in the correct way.

So it's as basic as it gets...Deadlift (full and sumo) and Squats (box) for lower body. And for upper body...Push-ups (my request), Lat Pulldowns, Bent-over-rows, and some isolation work for triceps and biceps.

It's sounds so simple, but it's quite a challenge when you realise that you've been doing it all wrong and recruiting different muscles to what you thought. Here I was wondering why I couldn't lift or move much weight, thinking I was strong. And I was getting so much muscle tension in the upper traps and necks, because they were in a constant state of tension.

But it all comes down to being aware of what your body is actually doing and then being able to control the muscles you need to do the work correctly. It's not only about utilising the correct muscles for work, but learning how to relax the other muscles which aren't required.

It's been a real learning curve, and thanks to Liz, a real education. The time spent going over the basics and how it relates to my rehabiliation, has given me a deeper awareness of how my body works.

It's just the little things, like simple tips to ensure I'm using my core and recruiting those muscles when doing lat pulldown, bicep curls, etc and everything I do. How to relax my hip muscles and use the glutes instead. How to relax my neck muscles and upper traps when doing bent-over-rows and lat pulldowns, so that I recruit my lower traps/back muscles, rather than my upper traps, which is what I'd been doing in the past.

So needless to say, it's changed the way I train and how I think about training. At the moment there's alot to think about as I ensure I'm activating the correct muscles. And I'm not lifting anything of any decent amount. But that's okay. If I keep persisting, eventually I will get to a stage where I don't have to think about it so much, the correct muscles will activate when they should.

And once that's happening, I can then start to think more about the finer details of lifting to get maximum lift. Hopefully, over time, as my technique improves, so will my strength and ability to do more.

Oh...and my glutes...I'm feeling em' baby! I've never felt so much DOMS in my butt, hammies and adductors before. It's a good feeling! :)

Wk 24...Next Six Months - Rebuilding from the Glutes, Up

Weigh-in this week... 62.3kg. Last week I was at my highest since completing my IBO programs at 62.4kgs! It was a great wake up call. It's amazing how it seems to creep up on you (time and weight), and how easy it is to become complacent. It's a good reminder to always be vigilant.

So lesson learnt.

I think my struggles of the last six months are officially over, and I am looking forward to getting back to the fitness level I enjoyed only 6 months ago now. I didn't realise how much fitness and strength I'd lost in that period until I returned to the gym and tried out my IBO programs. There are some exercises I'm not strong enough at the moment to even contemplate, especially involving my core muscles. But that's to be expected and will be part of my focus over the next 6 months. And as far as frequency and intensity, it will take me about 3 months I reckon to build up to anything near what I was doing 12 months ago.

But I'm up for the challenge and glad to be back at the gym. I finally pulled my finger out and made the decision again. No dilly-dallying and making excuses....an extra is an extra...10g over is an extra....1 rice cake over is an extra! The only thing that works for me and helps me form a strong resolve is to sit down and plan everything in detail. From my training programs - days, splits, frequency, etc to my nutrition plans. Everything needs to be recorded and exacted as I've put on paper. Food measured, weighed and recorded. Training type, duration, intensity, etc all recorded. Weight and measurements taken and recorded to be compared to. I just don't get the results and am not as focused unless I do this. That's just me. It gets me super-focused. So now it's time to get serious!

My training program isn't set in stone yet, as to what exercises I'm doing. I'm just doing a basic 3 day split at present with weights plus cardio, as per my previous Ideal Bodies Online programs, with some alterations as my upper traps are giving me hell at the moment, so no lifting or movements above the head this week, until they settle. The main thing was to just get back into a regular and consistent program. Frequency is important at the moment. I was training 5-6 days consistently last year. I'm aiming for about 5 days training. However, the intensity and length of sessions and weight, of course, won't be the same. It will take a little while to build up to the same intensity. Though I'm hoping that it won't take me as long as when I started my program to regain lost ground.

The above picture is of Meriza DeGuzman. I rediscovered her, thanks to Ann-Maree, one of my FB friends. I didn't realise that the photo below, which I've used in previous posts, was the same Meriza. She looks so different with short hair.

I'm including her photos because overall, like Pauline Nordin, I love Meriza's physique, especially her quads. I draw upon photos of fit chicks as part of my inspiration.

Anyway, I've got to go. Life has been hectic as I've been working an extra day for the army, and it's amazing how one day can make a huge difference to your life, trying to fit everything in. So my blogs have been shorter (yeah...I heard your sigh of relief). Don't worry, only another couple of weeks and I'll have my Wednesdays back again!

Thursday I meet with Liz to revise glute activation and start work on rebuilding my form and technique from the ground up (or the glutes up!), and going over my squat and deadlift.
So I'm really looking forward to that session, so I can begin some serious weight work. I've never done any real lifting before, and my first real taste was through Crossfit, and I have to tell you...I really love it! So I'm looking forward to doing more of it and expanding on the little I know to get me stronger.

Oh...my measurements real quick! Haven't done a comparison yet, but it's a bit ouchy where my waist, hip and thigh measurements are concerned.

• Shoulder-2-shoulder - 99cm
• Chest - 88 cm
• Biceps - 28cm
• Waist - 77cm
• Hips - 93 cms...ouch!
• Thighs - 57cm
• Above Knee - 43cm
• Calves - 33cm

Current weight: 62.3kg's. Goal weight by end August: 57kg

Have a great week all! Train hard! ;)

Wk 23...Buns of Steel

"Don't give up.

Sometimes you don't get it right the first time.

But keep going, keep chasing your dreams

because the journey

is just as important as the destination."

- John Maclean

Last week's weigh-in...61.4kg...no change.

Tomorrow's weigh-in I envisage to be more, with more than a few days away celebrating our 10th Wedding Anniversary. I didn't eat alot of junk food, but it's amazing when eating out, how much menu's are heavily carb-laden. Very little protein and even less vegetables. So I was happy to be home eating normally, and my digestive system is thanking me for it too. I did indulge in an Almond Magnum and was later disappointed that the taste wasn't as orgasmic as I had been dreaming of.


The change of scenery and total lack of planning (by choice) was good for me. It always seems to help me put things in perspective. Also...no massage...no bath...no GYM! Clear Mountain Lodge has just been refurbished and completely updated, and a gym, day spa, and bath/spa was advertised on the site and to our chagrin when we arrived, had not yet been completed. We had a bit of a chuckle retelling our story of disappointment to the maitre d' on the first night, and to our delight, the manager came back in minutes later with a key to an upgraded room with a spa. And the room was better overall, so we were happy! Though...still no gym!

As I was saying...having the time to rest and contemplate the year so far, really helped firm my resolve. I've set myself another goal visually, and as per last year and the start of this year, Pauline Nordin is still my pin-up girl for 2010. I just can't seem to get past her...lol...awesome body!

What can I say...I want those BUNS OF STEEL!

I'm quite happy with my upper body, but the lower body between my thighs and abs is still a bug-bear, especially my butt and upper legs. I look at my current situation where I need to strengthen and activate the glutes as an opportunity to really focus on this area. I'd like more shape to my derierre, as Pauline calls it. Firm, tight and shapely...that's what I want!

I've got a long way to go and the goal is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, because there's lots of work to achieve a nice butt. But I'm up for the challenge and looking forward to the journey.


I've been doing cardio and glute activation exercises as per prescribed by the lovely Liz, with some positive results. RPM was suggested. Did I tell you...I hate RPM! But ya know...I tried it last week for the second time, and I was pleasantly surprised. I actually enjoyed it and reached that pre-puke feeling, so I was happy. And I have to say, the right instructor makes all the difference.

So I'm hoping soon that I can get started again on some weight training. I haven't done any for about 2-3 weeks now, and I am missing it big time! I'm itching to get back and start pumping some iron again on a regular basis, especially those glutes! :P



Last weekend we had an Ideal Bodies Online lunch at Southbank. Sue was up from down south, and it was good to see her again, as well as some members of the IBO team, and Kazanne, who is a lovely IBO client. Everyone looked great and it was nice to find out what everyone is up to. Exciting times ahead for Sue, who is expecting and still looking fabulous, as well as Liesl who has started training for her first body building comp this year!

That's about it. I will update Recipes in Richness with our anniversay break, when I get a chance. Anyway...I'm feeling great! I am soooooo ready for the next stage of my journey and feeling so excited to really get into a regular program very soon. Had a good day at the gym on the X-trainer and exercises, and dreaming about having buns of steel! That fire in the belly is starting to gain momentum!

Wk 21...Time to Get Out of My Own Way

"I will always find that optimistic way out of a bad situation. You want to take me on, take me on - because I will win! There were certain realities in our life that couldn't be changed. We could sit around and cry about it, or we could find a way around the roadblocks. Our answer to every setback, sorrow, and upheaval has always been to push back, try harder, be smarter. We weren't afraid of failing - only stopping, of giving up. Losing is worthwhile if you learn something from it, but quitting is the defeat of hope."

- Linda Armstrong Kelly (the mother of Lance Armstrong)

So much has happened in my head in the last couple of weeks. It's been cathartic.

It was hard for me to admit to my feelings last week, especially online. However, I feel it's important to be transparent. The truth is, I have alot of people who tell me how I inspire them, and some days I wonder why. Especially when I struggle myself with some of the same issues. As one of my mentorees said to me recently, when I said that some days I don't feel like much of an inspiration (thanks - you know who you are)..."It shows that you really are human". I think if we were perfect, we wouldn't have that same connection with people. It's our shared experiences that enable us to reach out to others and empathise. And as I've come to realise after doing quite a bit of reading lately, that it's all about giving hope.

In the last couple of weeks I've read two autobiographies, and I've been incredibly moved during both....'Full Circle - One Life,Many Lessons ' by John McLean. He was the first paraplegic to compete and finish in the Hawaiian Ironman Triathlon; he won a silver medal in the Beijing Olympics (in rowing), he swam the English Channel. And he's Australian! The other is, 'It's Not About the Bike' by Lance Armstrong, no introduction necessary, I'm sure.

I love reading autobiographies because they are real stories of people overcoming. There's some truly amazing stories, and they leave you wondering what's so difficult about your own life. Sometimes, our own challenges pale in significance and reading these stories helps to put my own life and challenges into perspective. It's important to do that periodically.

If you're going through a particularly challenging period, I encourage you to look beyond your own life and focus on others, because that will bring things into perspective for you, and hopefully give you the inspiration, motivation, impetus...whatever, to help move you beyond 'yourself'. I love reading other people's stories, because they give me 'hope'.

So that's what I've been doing. I've made some important decisions recently, as hinted to in my last post.

On the weekend I went bush for the army for a range weekend (shooting). I don't know if I've told you this, or whether you remember me saying this before, but I suck at weapons firing! If you were my enemy in a war, you would have no reason to fear being shot by me (without a firearm, sure...I'll take you on)! So I struggled once again. We don't get the opportunity to work on our marksmanship skills very often, and the pressure to remember everything you've been taught is ever-present. We have to be tested in our weapons safety and handling, and that in itself is stressful when you only touch a rifle every few months, or a machine gun once in a blue moon. There's also something about 'live firing' that gets me nervous. So the whole weekend was full of emotional ups and downs, while I grappled with self-doubt and the fear of failure. Once I'm up on the range and firing I'm fine (even though I still can't hit a target very well), but it's all the lead up and testing beforehand that gets me all churned up inside.

The thing is, everyone experiences similar nerves, but I tend to take things very personally when I don't do as well as I expect. I've always been used to learning things pretty quickly and excelling. Weapons are a whole different kettle of fish, and it bugs and frustrates me that I can't seem to get this. It really affects my confidence, and I hate that!

I'd had a gutful of feeling like this, and the thing is, as long as I'm in the army, this is not going to go away until I do something about it. So I went searching for solutions and I've come up with something that has helped me feel better about myself and this particular skill.

I've decided to join a Rifle club!

I made some enquires and spoke to a very helpful man in the Qld Military Rifle Club. He's ex-army officer and we spoke at length about my particular challenges and how the club may be able to help. They only deal with bolt-action rifles (it's illegal to use semi-automatic weapons, which is what the army use), but he said that regardless, the marksmanship principles are the same. So next month I'm going along to a practice session to meet the club members and talk to a few people I think may be able to help me. I'm hoping that with regular weapons handling and firing and understanding how I can improve in a more relaxed and supportive environment, I will become proficient and I can finally start to enjoy something which everyone seems to!

And on Saturday I meet with my exercise physiologist to devise a training plan working around my hip injury and other limitations. Again, I've been given hope that I can overcome my current challenges with the correct approach, and for the first time this year, I'm starting to think about and focus on my goals, and I'm starting to feel that flicker of determination again, like I had last year. I'm starting to actually believe that 'The Year of the Sexy Bitch' is still within my grasp. And I'm starting to get excited by those mental images of where I want to be!

I've been deliberating on so many things, unnecessarily, and as Craig Harper eluded to in a recent post, it's time to get out of my own way and become part of the solution. Time to stop thinking and doubting and JUST DO!

* Weigh-in...61.9kgs! Army weekend...rations...lots of carbs...horrible stuff!

Wk 20...Not Myself

The last week has been a real doozy. In this process of 'Discovering My Best Me', I forgot to remind myself that some things take time, and as much as I thought that I'd figured things out and could get on with things immediately, the opposite has been true. There was a bit more struggle yet to come and one that had me come to some more realisations. No doubt there'll be a bit more unravelling yet. But I'll just have to deal with it as it comes.

The problem with listening to what your body is telling you, is that it can be very confronting.

So...after deciding to temporarily ditch Crossfit and return to a commercial gym, there was still one area I hadn't dealt with...the Army stuff...physical that is. It's the last kink in the chain of my recovery (or so I thought...more about that later).

I'll be frank...the AA is not for cry babies! So if you like sympathy and positive reinforcement - don't join the army!
Okay...okay...I'm over-dramatising this a little. And here's the thing...12 months ago I relished the thought, but today, 12 months later, I'm apphrehensive. This hip injury has affected me more than I thought. I'm so anxious about training these days, and especially about the army stuff.

I took care of the 'unknown' factor in Crossfit, and I needed to take care of the 'unknown' factor in the AA, which is difficult. It's made more difficult, because I've made it that way. I put so much pressure on myself to do everything that's asked of me, even with this injury. And when I can't physically do something, I feel...well...inadequate. I hate the fact I can't put my best foot forward. But the reality of the situation is...at the moment I just can't do some things at the moment. It's been really screwing with my head!

I have a 15km forced march coming up in June. It's held every year. Now, this isn't just any leisurely stroll, you're pushing yourself to keep up the necessary stride (hence the name, 'forced march'), because you usually have a time limit to complete it in. I'm not too sure what it is.


Now don't get me wrong, despite this, I actually love being in the Aa, and I think it's because they do tend to push you out of your comfort zone, and don't take any shit. I enjoy the discipline and what the army stands for. I also believe in what they do and the bigger purpose of why they do things the way they do.

But at the moment, I feel like a cry baby.

I've been so anxious about this march, because after our Tuesday night sessions, just doing practice for the forced march with webbing and rifle I've been struggling. My hip and right side, is sore and I experience spasm in my lower back and pain, for days afterward. And I'm not even carrying a load yet! To make matters worse, this has then been affecting my normal training, or my 'return' to normal training.

I've also been experiencing extreme fatigue. It's taking me days to recover and I'm exhausted all the time. I sleep for 10 hours and still feel like shit when I wake up. Some nights I can't sleep, because I'm anxious about training or AA PT, wondering if I'm going to hurt myself and jeopardise my recovery. I appear fairly calm on the surface, but I've been going through emotional periods, where I want to cry at the drop of a hat. And it's usually only when I'm thinking about having to approach a hard training session or AA PT session...I'm that apprehensive.

Needless to say...I am not myself!

My body is telling me it needs a break. I'm not too sure what's going on. I thought it was just maybe a little tiredness, but I've been experiencing fatigue since the start of the year, and it's been getting worse. Even while training, I physically can't seem to put in the same intensity. And the emotional stuff is a recent occurrence. I think it's mainly from going over stuff in my head and feeling apprehensive all the time about injuring myself further.

Anyway...I'm still pushing through and keeping my body moving. Nutrition is fairly good, and I have to say that because of Ideal Bodies Online and the programs I've completed, it's helped me keep a handle on things. I've integrated the program principles so well, that some things, like nutrition are taking care of themselves. I haven't done any emotional eating or felt the need to, and I'm so aware of what's happening (through education and mentoring), it's allowing me to be able to observe myself from afar and approach things with more insight and acceptance. It's given me the tools to help overcome these current challenges, and I don't think I would have handled things as well, if I hadn't done the programs. I'm still keeping my weight at a good level, considering my lack of consistent, high intensity exercise, and that's a testament to the program.

You probably think I'm a basket-case. Today is a good day. I have felt better in the last few days because I've made some more decisions, one of them was to take some steps to get to the bottom of my fatigue levels. I saw my Chinese bone doctor on Saturday, which helped reduce the pain and tension in my lower back, hips and right hand side in general. He also said that my liver is a problem and something new...my Thyroid. Hmmm...maybe that has something to do with my fatigue. So I had some blood tests on Monday with my western GP, and I get the results back on Friday. I don't expect it will show anything though. I've never had any problems with my thyroid or anything like that. Maybe it's all in my head!

I also made the decision not to do the forced march. As much as I feel like I'm 'piking', I don't need this right now. I need to get on top of my injury. I was told recently that I didn't have to do the march (or subsequent pre-training prep) to be compliant in the army. That's been a huge relief. So once I find out the results of my blood test, I can bring everything together and start formulating a program and plan for recovery.

Phew!...glad I got that off my chest.


* Weigh-in...60.4kg...no change.
* a plug for my new blog...Recipes in Richness

Wk 16...Transition, Habits of Discomfort, and Seeking Solace...

"Disenchantment, whether it is a minor disappointment or a major shock, is the signal that things are moving into transition in our lives."

- William Throsby Bridges

Weigh-in: 60.6kg Goal Weight: 57kg Amt to Lose: 3.6kg

My husband came up with this great word, I felt summed up what 2010 is for me...Transition.

I thought the quote above by William Throsby Bridges was quite apt, and it hadn't occurred to me that this period was one of disenchantment. However, when I really consider it, I think there's some truth to that.

Life is ever-changing and things never remain the same for any length of time. We go through peaks and troughs. At this time I'm not at the bottom of a trough, I'm somewhere on the way up towards a peak. It's a slow ascent, but it's worthy of my focus.

As I intimated in my last post, I've rescheduled my week to fit in Crossfit, Army PT and Wing Chun with the goal of achieving these activities without injury. Compared to last year, the training volume is not really there, and for good reason.

Initially I was hung up about it all, because my original goal for 2010 was to be VERY LEAN. Well, that's probably not going to happen this year. This year will be a year of transition where I just concentrate on strengthening my body so that it is fully functional and I can put in the hard yards again next year. As it stands, I have to deal with my current issue...core strength and stability, which is affecting my lower back and hip/pelvis stability.

Thanks to Liz for recommending Deanne, who is at this moment devising a home core program for me. I went to see Deanne yesterday for an assessment and we went over a few stretches and exercises. Deanne is a holistic lifestyle coach and fitness consultant who runs a PT and pilates studio in Brisbane. After reading about Liz's hip concerns and her delving into pilates, it got me thinking about what I realised was necessary to help with my current concerns. I was impressed with Deanne's knowledge and like IBO, wanted to know what my goals and aspirations are, in order to help me achieve my aims. I was pleasantly surprised to find quite a few of things we tried were along the same lines as what my physio has given me. I'm eagerly awaiting the exercises to start which I should receive by tomorrow. Next week I will be going back to actually go over them, and do the exercises during our session to consolidate and make any changes or corrections.

Deanne was on the same wavelength, in that I'm looking do the core program as a regular part of my training week, and to maintain my 2 x CF, 1-2 x Wing Chun & Army PT for the remainder of the year, with the idea to review my progress periodically. That means that in spite of what I might think and feel 3 months down the track, I should stick with this schedule, rather than take on any extra sessions. We want to make sure that my body is really ready to take on any extra work physically and be able to sustain that level without injury.

Which brings me to the part of sticking to my schedule where more is less. I don't know what it is. It could be the season coming into winter, but I'm finding too much comfort in slowing down. I'm seeking solace in time with my family and my keenness to get into my garden is forming part of my solace. I'm really not enjoying facebook at the moment and I despise the time that it steals from me. Even blogging has slowed down for me, and I'm not reading alot of blogs at present (sorry guys). Just catching some here and there and when I have time. That's just where I'm at, and it often changes depending on how I feel.

As I said, I'm finding too much comfort in slowing down, which means I have to be ever-vigilant when it comes to keeping moving. The fortunate thing is, I've been so disciplined over a good period of time, that my nutriton and exercise has become such an ingrained habit. I can still put in the ACTION, even when the motivation isn't necessarily there. I just make the plan and execute it, regardless of whether I am motivated or not (different from resting when you're injured or genuinely fatigued).

However, that doesn't mean it's easy. I still do it kicking and screaming sometimes. My head has been in a terrible place at Crossfit since I've been back after my latest hip injury. I was going so well mentally and in a great place physically as well, before the injury. Since then, it's been difficult to go back to Crossfit. I've been experiencing extreme bouts of self-doubt, especially my first session back last Thursday. I've been very emotional and pre-session apprehension has once again returned.

The thing is, regardless of how I'm feeling I'm still putting in the action, however hard I fight it, or whatever I'm telling myself at the time. Even when I get there, before the workout begins, I'm dreading the session and the effort I need to put in. And as always, once I'm into the workout, that's when mentally I begin to pick up and I feel that drive and I push myself. By the end I'm on top of the world and thankful that I turned up! But you know, at the moment, I'm still fighting it, rather than accepting it and letting it flow. I recognise that I've lost confidence again because of injury and I'm very protective of my body. I'm aware of the necessity to ensure my form, above all, is correct, and I need to keep this in mind. It means though that sometimes I feel less worthy because I could have lifted heavier, but deep down I know that this is stupid thinking. It's just ego, and I have to constantly remind myself that this is not a race against anyone.

So I have formed these habits of discomfort for a reason. For me to make progress I have to keep pushing myself, so I've purposely set these goals and put myself in a position to pull myself out of my comfort zone on a continual bases. That's what I love about Crossfit and being in the Army. These two things alone constantly challenge me and put me in a position of extreme doubt and discomfort. And regardless of how hard I fight it, I know that I'm growing and I'm getting better. These are only early days, and I know that there will come a time when the discomfort will have lessened slightly, because I will have developed a higher threshhold for that discomfort. Then I suppose it's time to find something else that's a little more uncomfortable. Somehow, I think that's a long way away.

As far as seeking solace with my family and gardening, I'm really enjoying this time with them, especially Philomena. Sunday I took her up to Mt Tamborine to a coffee shop/gallery/bookstore which I discovered last week called The Secret Garden. The photo on the website is very old and doesn't do it justice. I'll be going back again for coffee for sure, as they have beautiful gardens and a lovely setting on the back verandah overlooking the paddock. From the road, you don't even know what's there.

Anyway, I found out there was a children's book launch there last Sunday, so I took Philomena along. It was brilliant, and they had the paddock out the back all set up for kids, and then they had the book launch and reading by the authors, Mem Fox and Olivia Rawson. The illustrations were on display in the gallery. Philomena loves the book, 'A Giraffe in the Bath' and we had a wonderful time.

It really was an enchanting afternoon, and we traipsed the paddock in search of giraffes in baths, a sheep in the shower, and a zebra in the pumpkin patch, and other wonderful things to capture children's imaginations, as part of a quiz they had set up for the kids. It was like being a child again too, so Philomena wasn't the only one who enjoyed it. It's really times like these with Philomena, that I treasure the most, and that I've been creating more opportunities like these to be with her and get caught up in her imaginary world filled with wonder and delight.

And lastly, my garden. I am dying to get stuck into it and I want to buy some more azaleas and I definitely would like to have some camelia bushes. And in my quest to improve soil quality and have beautiful, healthier plants, I've bought a worm farm! It's just arrived, and I can't wait to get it going. As soon as Philomena gets home this afternoon from daycare, we will be setting it up. She's very excited about the slimy worms! Anyway, I just can't wait until I get my first lot of worm casting and worm wee to put into my garden...hee..hee!

Well...I've really got everything off my chest and I'm feeling much better after sending off an email to one of my most recent mentorees. Sometimes the best medicine for a disenchanted heart is to help another person, and that's when you realise that your life is truly wonderful, and to be thankful for the troughs and well as the peaks.

Have a great week!