In spite of my best intentions, it seems that life currently still resembles something like a tornado. It's been that kind of year. I liken my life this year to being a 'storm chaser'.
I have set some definite goals for next year, and I'd really like to start working on the them now. The problem is, I've got so much debris whirling around, that I can't begin on anything concrete until the storm of 2010 settles.
Part of that debris comes in the form of changes on the home front (nothing bad, don't worry) which have been unsettling of late. We go on our annual beach holiday this weekend, and it's come around so fast, because life has just been unpredictable. I have alot on my plate at present. I've been slowly working on eliminating the 'least urgent' from my life. But it's amazing that any attempt to simplify, seems be the a signal for the universe to send all manner of distractions and additional debris to add to the existing storm.
Philomena is going to prep next year, and so there's a little upheaval in the household. There are definitely some strange reverberations around at present. Very unsettling. So I'm just hanging in, and dealing with the daily debris which I accept won't start to clear until after Christmas.
At present it's difficult for me to get any type of consistency with training and get a solid start on my goals. I'm not liking it, but for the moment I just have to do what I can do, when I can do it, and use the remainder of the year to settle all those things that are whirling around up there in the current tornado which is my life. I'm confident it will settle for a new beginning in 2011.
There are many changes on the horizon for next year. Not just for me, but for my husband and little girl. And I have to say, it's been very draining. Yesterday I was motivated and happy I'd eked out a plan for next year, which involved letting some things go. Today I'm just tired, dealing with everything that everybody is throwing at me. I'm not a person to take on other people's stuff, but when it's in your own home, it's hard for it not to effect you. There has been my stuff too admittedly. And it seems that everyone at just at this moment wants a piece of me, and I think I'm just emotionally drained.
I've finally thought about our beach holiday come Sunday. I haven't had much a chance to think about it up until now. And you know what? I'm actuallly looking forward to being able to do very little apart from swimming in the surf and lying on the beach and building sandcastles; doing a little outdoor stuff with Philomena; pottering around the op shops; catching a movie; having a ritual afternoon snooze (the whole family); and having the time to sit out on the balcony, look out over Pumicestone Passage and contemplate how lucky we are to be in this wonderful country.
It's also lead-up time to Christmas, which means alot of socialising. To be honest, as much as I enjoy it, I prefer my own company and a life of routine and consistency (with food and nutrition). I haven't had much time for contemplation either, and for me, that is so important for my sanity and well-being.
However, I've come to the realisation that my life has changed in shape and form, and the routine and consistency I once thrived on, no longer suits my purpose. My life has evolved, and I'm finding it difficult to change the predictable formula of what has sustained me for two years. It's time for a shift in my paradigm, but internally I'm fighting the necessity of change, which is so drastically needed. It's time that my life become more intuitive. But I'm also a creature of planning and habit. So the remainder of the year is also about working out how to balance intuitive living, but retain some form of consistency. It requires a more flexible approach to my planning.
So next week, I'm going to use that time to contemplate how I'm going to achieve that, and meanwhile stop the debris whirling around in the tornado of my life, and get ready for the calm, before 2011 is upon us.
