Yearning

"Yearn: To long persistently, wistfully, or sadly. To feel tenderness or compassion."

'Yearning of the Sword' is the title of one of the cello pieces from the soundrack, 'Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon'. It' a beautiful movie and a beautiful piece of music (Yearning of the Sword), and one that evokes strong feelings within me.

If you appreciate fine music, then I encourage you to listen to this piece. The cello solo is by Yo-Yo Ma, and the music is composed and conducted by Tan Dun, who also composed the piece, 'For the World', which is the soundtrack to the movie 'Hero', starring Jet Li. So if you enjoy this piece, then you will enjoy 'For the World'.

It always moves me to tears because I feel such a strong pull toward martial arts and everything that it means to me. It's been a huge part of my life and one that has helped shape who I am today in a significant way. As the title of this post says...a feeling of yearning. It's this feeling I've kept within me for so long when I pined for the loss of not being able to do martial arts. I would often cry myself to sleep at the thought and possibility that I would no longer be able to practice my beloved art, so all-consuming is its' hold over me. It's hard to explain its' hold, unless you've practiced traditional martial arts for many years. It's difficult to part with - and I assure you, I tried, when I thought that maybe it was best I let it go. But alas, it was not meant to be.

I've been dreaming of the day when I can return to my training and continue my journey where I left off. If all goes to plan, it will be in the second half of 2009, once I am settled into my new job and lifestyle of the Army Reserves (fingers crossed).

There is so much to learn and I've been very fortunate to come across teachers who are experts in their chosen art. It definitely helped me become an excellent technician and helped develop my ability to recognise the difference between average and extraordinary.
My only regret is that I wasn't able to continue in my training and continue honing and improving upon the skills I'd gained and trained hard in, for many years to accomplish. I wonder how good I would be now as a martial artist.

However, in saying that, even though the time away may not have allowed me to hone my skills, it has allowed me to hone my passion for martial arts. In my younger years I trained mainly for the physical prowess I enjoyed, and even though my training was steeped in tradition, I didn't understand at the time the sheer complexities of this amazing art and how its' lessons paralleled daily life. I didn't have the wisdom to understand its' deeper meaning and lessons it held for me, and still holds for me.

Now that I'm older, my 'why' is so much different and I know that this time around that the longer I train and the deeper I delve, the more it will reveal to me, and about me in the sense of who I can become, not just as a martial artist, but as a person of character.

So...until that day, I will continue yearning...though I know it's not too long now.

Warning...Danger...Correct your Course!

Life has blurred around the edges of late.

How do I describe this feeling?...It's when your life in general picks up and starts to gather momentum, to the point where so many things start to get into the mix, that a little clarity is lost. You haven't lost focus of where you are going. Rather, the 'mix' has just taken you off course a little, and in order to stay on track and ensure you're moving in the direction of your dreams and goals, a little course correction is justified...necessary.

It happens when you get caught up in the excitement of where your life is heading.

Charting a new course brings the inevitable, and that is...discovering new lands and territories, new people and experiences. It's also about discovering new limits and horizons of your mind, and pushing the envelope of what you previously thought possible.

You reach a point where, in pushing the envelope, your mind reaches the outskirts of those new limits and horizons. It's a point on the periphery where you languish in this feeling of euphoria, enjoying your newfound accomplishments and all that goes with them.

And in the languishing, you're aware a storm is forming out over the horizon, but you ignore the warnings...you know what you need to do...clarify your position and make a course correction. But you're so caught up in the euphoria, you just want to remain there....just a little longer. You drift a little, watching the oncoming storm...procrastinating...relishing how close you can get to the edge of the storm without being pulled in to its' surging waters.

So...it's time to clarify my position - reset the compass - and correct my course. Time to jetison the dead wood that I've collected along the way. You know...my self-limiting beliefs...past habits that have crept back in to my nutrition...lack of planning and forethought.

Time to re-focus, gain clarity again and simplify.

I'm about to embark on the next leg of this journey. It's been six months in the planning, and 9 years of hoping, yearning and dreaming, and I'm getting so close. I've enjoyed what I've accomplished so far, but I know deep down, there is still so much more to do to realise my goals for 2009 and beyond. It's no time to become complacent. I'm only a fraction of the person I hope to become.

Program 3...Week 10 Update

I've had a good week, and completed all my weights and cardio sessions as per my weekly goals I set out, though I've had to slightly alter my program intensity this week due to my recent slight 'muscular irritation'. It was good though to get back to my normal training week of 6 days, and I felt good training hard (as hard as required, and not crazy hard).

After the Easter free meal weekend with the extra carbs, and the altered program, I feared I might tip over the dreaded '58kg' mark, as I weighed in last week at 58.8kg! I dropped some carbs during the week to compensate for the altered program, but still wasn't confident of the results.

Anyway...lol...I weighed in this morning at 57.4kg! *shock*

So I was pretty happy with this, and I am fairly confident that by the end of my program, which is two weeks away, I should be able to maintain my weight below or on 58kg.

Well...that's about it. I don't have anything profound to say. The only other bit of news is that my appointment for my medical examination, psych interview and job interview for the army reserves is booked for Tuesday 12th May. I've bought my interview outfit and most of the accessories. Now all I have to do is make sure I've got my CV all in order, know what I'm going to say to impress the interviewers enough to want to employ me and ensure I'm well rested and fighting fit for my medical. I want the MD to take one look at me (in my undies and bra), and say..."Yep...you're in!" Maybe I should pump up in the toilets beforehand...he...he...he...lol...

Singing in the Rain

"I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again
I'm laughing at clouds
So dark up above
The sun's in my heart
And I'm ready for love
Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain
I've a smile on my face
I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Just singin',
Singin' in the rain
Dancin' in the rain"

Well that's how I was feeling today...in the rain.

However...before that, I rocked up at the gym today, all pumped up and rarin' to go. Got there. Not a car in sight, shutters down on the front entrance, thinking...WTF? Bloody idiot...got the opening hours today wrong....arghhhh! Drove to a gym closer to home...still no luck. So anyway...it's pouring down and I'm thinking...what the hell do I do? Then I came up with an alternative...a walk in the rain.

Now I just love walking in the rain - don't you?

So today, instead of weights, I opted for a cardio session...outdoor backpack walk. I hadn't actually been able to get around to doing one as yet, so I thought...why not? Perfect weather to start getting me used to what it may be like in Kapooka (except for the cold)...I was pumped...I needed to expend some energy...perfect! So I loaded up my backpack, and I thought I should start with a sensible weight, remembering the physio's last words..."listen to your body", and not wanting any injury de ja vu situations. So anyway...I loaded my pack up with 15kg (max. advised by physio for this week), and went to put it on my back. Needless to say, the words 'holy crap' issued forth from my mouth, and I had to re-think the starting weight. So I started out with 10kg, thinking about how much Cherie Horne carries for her mountain treks, thinking to myself...what a bloody wuss!

But...I have to start somewhere. The thought of carrying 20+ kilos suddenly made me realise how important it was going to be to do these walks. I then thought about having to wear boots as well, and it all became clear to me why I was starting to prepare myself now.

You see...when I first put on the pack, I had to lean forward to counter-balance the pack. I then started to walk and I had to change my gait and really concentrate on those core muscles and ensure I was using my legs, rather than leaning forward and using my back. After about 5 minutes I started to get used to the weight in my pack and how I needed to walk, and then it was relatively easy.

Anyway...the rain wasn't too heavy, just a drizzle really. But at one stage it started to pelt down and I felt this big smile come across my face and lifted it to the sky to feel the rain on my face. Ahhhh...haven't done that for ages. I'd forgotten how good it felt to be out in the rain, getting drenched. I felt like Gene Kelly and wanted to 'sing in the rain', which I did. But the good thing is that noboby can hear you when you're walking in the rain (luckily for them).

I then started to think about doing some harder pack walks with increased weight, in heavy, continuous rain, maybe a bushtrail where it's more muddy and the terrain more challenging, and I got really excited. I used to do bushwalking fairly regularly, and haven't done it for ages, and I love being outside up in the mountains. There's a real feeling of peace and the freedom that comes with being outdoors and I've really missed that. Sometimes we get so caught up in making life more comfortable, that we forget that some of the best and most rewarding times are to be had when we're prepared to step out of our comfort zones, experience the elements, and challenge ourselves in ways we never considered before. Now to me, that's exciting.

Well by the time I got home, my shoulders were pretty sore...but I was happy as a pig in mud! And then something weird happened....I took off my pack and went to walk and my body instantly shot forward into a lean. I felt like a character out of 'Thunderbirds'. You know...the feeling that someone else above is pulling the strings and making your body move without your knowing. It took me a few minutes to regain my upright posture.

Gotta do another back pack walk soon I think...hope it's raining!

Patience is my best Virtue (NOT!)

I drove to my MIL's place this morning for my usual weekly weigh-in (I don't own a set of Tanita scales). On the way home I saw a young woman jogging, and thought "that should be me out there jogging right now". The fact that my weight went up by 700g this week after last week's loss of 800g probably contributed to this thought.

You see...I haven't officially trained since Monday - my last weights and cardio session. A forced layoff I am afraid - self administered and my physio has since confirmed my diagnosis - incorrect technique. I am not as strong as I think I am, especially in the abs area, and I've been doing some ab exercises which I am still not ready to do yet, so we've had to revise those. The thing I love about my physio, is that he never tells me something is 'not possible'. He takes me from where I am, understands what I want to achieve, and then gives me exercises which build upon eachother, step-by-step, in order for me to reach my goals. Or rather, he looks at what I've been given program-wise and will adapt the exercise which he thinks needs fine-tuning. He's fantastic!

I have done a 60min powerwalk since Monday, but for me it's not the same. Others have coffee withdrawal, nicotine withdrawal, junk food withdrawal...well I have Training withdrawal, and the worst thing is - I am jumping out of my skin to do some serious training! This morning I am so full of energy I really need to do something physical (Okay...I think a walk is in order when I finish this blog!).

Mentally, I am quite alright with it, because I know that I have taken the correct course of action, and in the big scheme of things, it's a minor concern. I've just been a little more sore than I care to admit, and luckily, I'm starting to become more wise and listen to my body. So my instructions have been specific..."listen to your body". I should be able to resume my normal training program come Monday, and hell...I am hankering to get back to the gym!

I'm re-watching those you-tube vids of Jet Li and listening to the the music accompaniment while I write this. I've been reminiscing about martial arts training again, and I've been hiring out action men/physical type movies lately...you know...300, Gladiator, Braveheart, Matrix, Blade, Kill Bill, etc. Yeah...I know...they're violent...but at least it's not sick, perverted, violence...maybe you could call it 'artistic violence'? I've hired one out I haven't seen before...'Max Payne', with Mark Walberg. I quite like him as an actor, and I thought there might be some ass kicking kinda stuff in there...dunno...hopefully it won't disappoint. AW says I should get out 'Shooter' (another Mark Walberg movie). He says I'd probably like it.

Anyway...I am still excited and apart from a little bit of training withdrawal, I'm doing pretty good. I'm starting to look at the big picture of my fitness journey. I've been training pretty hard now for about 8 months, with not alot of let up, and have been extremely happy with my progress and how much stronger I am in the short period of time.

However, I understand that to reach my ultimate fitness goal, that 'years', not 'months' is what it's going to take to achieve this, and for the first time in a long time, I'm happy with this. I'm happy because I'm finally putting in the action. I've seen the results so far, but I'm also being kinder to myself and listening to my body. Resting it when it needs rest...feeding it what it needs to do what it needs to do...being more flexible when it comes to my training schedule...changing and adapting my training where it needs adapting - all in order to keep progressing physically and keep me on top mentally. I know I am getting closer...no more one step forward and three steps back.

This whole journey has not only been about the 'physical' changes, but more recently, even today...for me, it's been a whole paradigm shift in my thinking. I am just so excited and full of enthusiasm for all the experiences that lie ahead, now that I've had another chance at this (being fit).

My next step is the my medical and job interview for army reserves, so that's within the next couple of weeks. I could pass the pre-enlistment fitness test now (not today of course), so why am I flogging myself? I still have a ways to go and will continue with preparation training working toward Kapooka, but...steady she goes...it's all good and I'm on my way! I visited Enoggera army base on Tuesday night and met a guy on the train who was in army fatigues, and he was on his way to work. He was kind enough to walk me to the gates and we had quite a chat on the train. He'd been back from Kapooka about a month and to hear him talk about the experience was so motivating for me! I can't wait to get down there!

Anyway...I have been rambling on a bit, so it's time to say adios! We have a family Easter and triple birthday celebrations today for lunch. I've been so good with my food, being conscious that I'm not doing as much physically this week. I'm going to be good today and not go berserko! We're not into the 'easter egg' thing, so chocolate won't be a temptation for me. However, desserts could get a bit ugly! (we also have AW's side of the family having a post Good Friday-combined-birthday celebration lunch tomorrow too, though dessert won't be as ugly as my family's version).

Okay...enough talking...ciao for now and enjoy the rest of your Easter! :)

My Hero

The first video is a montage of Jet Li's movies. Not for everyone I know, but hey...it's my blog! Jet Li is my all time hero. Unless you enjoy martial arts movies, it's probably not something you'll really get off on, or appreciate. Anyway...I really loved this montage. Jet's older movies are the best - the ones produced in Hong Kong, not the US! Some of my favourite Jet Li movies are 'Once Upon a Time in China' series, Tai Chi Master and Fearless. Below is a 'Fearless' tribute (WARNING... Fearless vid is not for the squeamish).

Never Tell Me Never!

If you haven't read the autobiography 'Never Tell Me Never', by Janine Shepherd, then I would highly recommend it. Here's the back page credit...

"On an afternoon bike ride in the Blue Mountains Janine Shepherd's life was altered irrevocably. When the champion cross country skier in training for the Winter Olympics was hit by a truck, doctors warned her parents that she was not expected to survive her ordeal. The bleeding alone was enough to kill her. Even if by some small chance she recovered, she would never walk again.

Coming to terms with her shattered Olympic dreams, refusing to believe what expert medical staff were telling her about her chances of any kind of recovery, Janine focused every sinew of her being on healing her broken body and crushed morale.

Her fighting spirit was rekindled watching small planes flying overhead. She said to herself, 'If I can't walk, I'll fly'. And fly she did. Within a year she had her private pilot's licence; twelve months later, her commercial licence; then her instructor's permit. Never Tell Me Never is her stroy, a testament to the power of the human spirit, and one that will move and inspire all who read it."

Reading these sorts of real life stories really puts things into perspective. Sometimes, the gifts and talents we have...hell...just the fact we are fit and healthy and have all our limbs, we just take for granted. Though, it serves no purpose feeling guilty that we have these things. Instead, I think we should take from these observations and appreciations, the lessons and learnings by people such as Janine, and put them into practice in our own lives, especially if we have the opportunities to do so. Stories and experiences like these, give us little excuse not to excel and be the best person we can be.

So what does the photo have to do with all of this? Well, it got me thinking about my own aspirations in regard to achieving 'my ideal body'. Thanks Raechelle for the website link BTW.

I took some progress pics yesterday (not for blogasphere), as I am on my third IBO program, and starting my 9th week. Generally, I'm really happy with my body, considering where I started on this journey and considering what havoc childbirth can wreak on your body. At 40, I think I'm looking pretty damn good, if I do say so myself (I'm humble too if you haven't noticed...lol...).

However...in saying that...yes...we're never completely satisfied are we, us women? But you know, it's not about 'not being satisfied'. Honestly, I am very happy being where I am right now, and even if I only stayed looking like this, I'd still be happy...to a certain extent. What it IS about, is that I think we all need to know that there is the possibility of progressing...improving...moving forward...becoming better that what we are right now. We need goals to work toward, in order to remain happy and motivated, and avoid stagnation in our lives. Goals and dreams are what keep us motivated and keeps us young and full of drive, energy and enthusiasm, to make the most of what we have, and help us to experience life to the fullest.

We are different things to different people, and what others think is enough, is not always what we think is enough, purely because how we see ourselves isn't always how others see us (hope that hasn't confused you). Just as long as it's what WE truly want, not what others want us to be...."To thine self be true"....

I say this, because truthfully, just prior to this comeback journey, and even at the start of it, even though I really, really yearned to be that super fit gal of my mid-to-late twenties, I lamented for fear that it would never become a reality. My heart was heavy for a very long time. Actually, my heart was broken because I felt like I had failed and my body just couldn't do what I knew it was meant to do at the time. I pined alot of years, firstly over my loss of having my own business, club and students who were like family, and then after that, I pined over my 'loss' of physically not being able to do martial arts. So how did I get beyond that? Alot of tears, soul-searching, failing, one step forward - two steps back...perseverance mainly, and the HOPE that my dreams of something better were still possible. And most importantly, the fact that my will and vision has always been stronger than my fear - luckily for me.

So anyway...I have had people tell me continually throughout my life, and still recently, when I've hit a wall (mentally or physically) that I should be happy with that and accept my fate. Well, when anyone tells me that, it's like waving a red flag to a bull. It just makes me more determined to find a solution. Nothing makes me happier than proving people how wrong they are....so....NEVER TELL ME NEVER! :)

Hot...Sizzling...Ouch!

Founds these pics last night. The first ones are 'Sonia Gonzalez', and the other shots are 'Meriza' (that's all I know). Anyway...Sonia is one of my new inspiration pics. As Judy would say...HAWT! :)

Feelin' Great!

Nothing feels better, than being in shape feels!

Goodbye Alby

I thought I'd do a bit of a farewell dedication to Alby - aka - 'Hot Boy', as AW has tagged him.

Alby only just posted the above profile pic on his facebook page just hours ago. What do you think girls...Frankie? If I had a 'hot files' label, I would definitely be adding him.

Anyway, Alby leaves for NZ tomorrow, and I, as like quite a few gym members, other friends and family will miss him. So why am I dedicating a post to Alby?

Well I met Alby around 8 months ago now...actually probably before, but I never took too much notice until he had to take my first lot of measurements at the gym, when I started my IBO program. And ever since, Alby has been taking my measurements throughout my first, second and just recently, the 6th week of my 3rd program. He's seen all the changes over this period, and has been a staunch supporter of me throughout my fitness journey, and has constantly showered me with compliments, and encouragement and has become a friend. Not only is Alby beautiful on the outside, but even more beautiful on the inside. A real SNAG girls...genuinely caring, gentle, optimistic, and not afraid to share his feelings and show how much he does care for people... hence his popularity.

So anyway...I will miss him. A loss for Lifestyle Health & Fitness, but a great asset for Les Mills gyms in NZ! It will be great however to keep abreast of his new quest and search for direction, and I look forward to hearing about his continued journeys (he's done quite a few things in his short life so far).

Quote of the Moment...Dreams

"The only fight you cannot win is the one you are not willing to fight. And the only dream that you cannot make come true is the one you cease to dream."

- Sergio Bambaren

So what are you asking for and manifesting in your life to get where you want to go? And where do you want to be? Are you creating the opportunities and putting your requests, thoughts and visions, out there into the universe? Are you moving toward the person you aspire to be?

"Acknowledge and Accept your own Craziness!"

The title is quoted from Cherie Horne's blog. Her statement typifies what I've been alluding to lately, about being a freak. Well, when you read what she's achieved and how she prepares physically for mountain-climbing expeditions, it kinda makes me feel like my present level of fitness is nothing short of pathetic. And thinking about my blog name, 'No Ordinary Moments', makes my life look, well...quite...how do I put it....ORDINARY!

But hey...we're all on a journey, and no two people's journeys are ever the same. And anyway...we all start somewhere. Everybody is just at a different stage. Hell...8 months ago, I didn't believe I'd be where I am today, after a long time being the person I dreaded becoming...the sloth. But here I am, semi-fit and getting fitter. I'm feeling happy in my body for the first time in many years, and finally feel like the person looking back at me in the mirror, is who I am on the inside - the person I am meant to be. It's a very satisfying feeling.

And as I continue along my fitness journey, I've come to realise that as I progress, that it's important for me to find a role model, who typifies where I'm heading and what I am moving toward. Someone who engenders the type of 'craziness' I aspire toward - and at the moment, Cherie Horne fits the bill.

Oh...and if you want to read some more about Cherie, I'd recommend reading her interview with Craig Harper, which no doubt, many of you bloggers have already read.

Ciao for now...Kerry :)