New Home...New Insights

View from top of driveway

Our private rainforest

The view and setting at the rear of our home.  My favourite place.

Philomena's new (2nd hand) trampoline, given to us through our wonderful friend, Matt

Rainbow Lorikeet eating nectar from one of our grevilleas

More forest pictures

I can't believe it's been about 7 weeks since I've posted.  I'm sitting out the back patio (see photo of my favourite place) as I write this post.  It's my favourite place to sit and contemplate and listen to the birds and the breeze rustling through the trees.  We have a resident Whipbird, which I'm thrilled at having in our back yard to listen to every day.  Philomena has named it 'Whippy' and we've been having breakfast every morning out the back patio, listening to the birds.    I've also spotted Pale Headed Rosellas and I love watching the rainbow lorikeets and honey-eaters.  This morning I could hear kookaburras, and there are some other bird varieties I haven't worked out yet by their call.

So this is why I've been absent for such a long time it seems.  I've also had no end of problems with having our phone and internet reconnected, and my old tower desktop computer finally died.  It's only hanging on long enough now for me to transfer all my files across to this new laptop.  I love wireless connection!  I no longer have to sit facing four walls.  I can sit amongst the trees and birds.

As you can see, our home isn't 'brand new' as such, but a new location.  I really love our new home.  I now have just about everything I've wanted (except that million-dollar view overlooking Mt Tamborine).  When I saw this house, it was love at first sight.  Of course, if we had a million dollars, I'm sure we would have bought a newer home, but for what we paid, I think we did exceptionally well.  And for what it's worth, it's still a stretch financially...more about this in a minute.

Our friends were rather surprised to find out we bought a new home, as we never talked about it.  In fact, the decision to buy came up in conversation with AW about how it was a great time to buy, but not a great time to sell. The conversation we had was oh...about 8 weeks ago.  I went away and crunched some figures, and said to AW...yes, we can afford it, but it means going back to being frugal again, to which we decided would be okay.  We'd done it before, we could do it again, if it meant getting into a house with a yard and more space for all of us.

The journey since that decision, I have to tell you has been incredible, challenging, frustrating to the point of going insane.  At quite a few points, it seemed that our dream of getting into a house was within our reach, only to be pulled from our grasp.  It has been an emotional rollercoaster from day one, and I was quite unprepared for the current economic climate in which we applied for finance.  It's a climate I have never experienced, and I had very little sleep for 5 weeks straight.

We've purchased homes before, but this one was different for a number of reasons.  Mainly because of my emotional attachment.  In previous times we always had our loans pre-approved, but this time we needed to secure the contract, because it was such a great buy and I knew that it would go pretty quickly.

So why did I invest so much emotionally?

It was always about my dream of having a home where Philomena could play outside unfettered.   I wanted her outside exploring, not inside watching TV.  I wanted us as a family to be outside, and more connected with nature and fresh air, and more outside activity.

It was about us as individuals having more personal space and more room to have privacy and relax. 

It was about us as a family, doing more things which were based around home and family.  Having family and friends around more often and reconnecting with people.

It was about the chooks; having a vegetable garden and making my own compost; creating a beautiful garden full of colour and scents and one which everyone can enjoy.  Creating spaces in the garden to sit and contemplate and to enjoy this beautiful forest outlook we have here, which not alot of people even know exists. 

It was about Philomena having pets and a dog, because I want her to have that special relationship that I had the privilege of having as a child with my dog and pets.  Having pets is a great lesson for children in responsibility and caring for something which is helpless and requires love and committment.  Pets, especially dogs are also great companions for children (and adults).

It was about Philomena having a play/cubby house and areas of play to help develop her strong imagination and creativity. 

It was about having a blank canvas on which to create our dream home.  And boy, do we have lots of plans.  It's 1/4 acre, so there's lots of room and we plan to extend onto the home.  We plan to build in the carport for extra room, and expand the kitchen/dining area.  We also plan to build a deck out the back to enjoy the view and create more outdoor living space to overlook the kids play area.  Of course, this won't happen straight away.  We're pretty skint at the moment.

The greatest part of all of this, is that we have only moved 3kms!  We're still in Beenleigh, though you wouldn't think so.  It's so close.  Philomena and I call it our 'Secret Place'. You can't see our home from the road.  All you can see is a letterbox, a driveway, and a gate, in-between two other houses from the road.

So was all the emotional turmoil worth it?  You betcha! 

AW was away alot during this whole time, so there was only little old me to deal with just about everything single-handedly.  Thankfully, Anthony recruited family and friends to help on moving day.  And thanks to my sister, Carol for helping me clean our other place.  I don't think I would have got it all done without her!  And Matt, if you're reading this...you're amazing!  And you have been and still, are one of our most cherished and generous friends  We would have been in a real pickle without your help on moving day.  You ROCK!

So there you have it.  I hadn't trained for 6 weeks!  This is the longest break from training ever since starting my fitness journey with IBO back in July 2008.  I put on 4kgs!  I was very stressed, but I returned to training sought of last week, and more earnestly this week. It will probably be at least 2 weeks before being able to resume my training at the same volume and intensity I was at before the six weeks.

I'm amazed at how much tone I've lost in that period.  My body has definitely suffered and I'm feeling quite horrible at the moment and out of sorts again.  But I know it's only temporary.

I put out a HELP signal to Liz to help me get focussed and get some accountability so I can get back on track quickly.  I'm confident this can happen and I can feel more myself again.

So...new insights...

...life happens, and you just gotta pick up where you left off.
...some things can't be helped, but know that it's only temporary, and you're only about 30 days from seeing real change.
...I don't suffer fools gladly.
...I'm getting grumpier as I get older.
...I don't like the fact that some things are out of my control.
...someone above is looking out for us, and I am eternally grateful.
...some times life is tough, but you'll always get through it and move on, so don't be afraid to try!
...it's amazing what you'll go through when your dream is strong enough!

So now I can re-focus on my fitness again.  It feels good to be sore, but gosh...at the moment I feel like a beginner.  I feel so unfit.  But I know it's only temporary!

I have made a conscious decison not to be on the internet so much. I got so much done while away, and to be honest, I want to spend more time with my family in our new home and on our new home, creating the pictures I have in my head.

Because you know.  That's what drives me.  And I know that for most of you, that's what drives you too.  You have that picture or pictures in your head of what your ideal life is - your ideal you, and you spend your time bringing your current reality to match your current ideal.  That's what makes life so amazing.  That we can create what we imagine, and it's in the 'creating' that we derive so much joy and satisfaction.

So I will leave you with a wonderful saying I read off the sign out front of the Beenleigh Lutheran Church...

"Be content with what you have...but not with who you are."


*  P.S.  Let me know please if some of the photos look a bit squashed. It could just be my new computer.  Just double-click on the photo and it should be a normal size.

Square Your Shit Away...

"Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace."

~ Frederick Buechner

Thanks to Crystal for this photo

Do you get days where life is just so full of promise and you're feeling heady just thinking about all the wonderful plans you have in your life right now?  And that life becomes a little overwhelming?

Sometimes the action part of your life gets so frenetic that you want to put the brakes on, just so you can get your head around the momentum you've created and actually enjoy the results of it. Can anyone relate?

It only becomes a problem when the action you're creating is stuff that isn't necessarily getting you any closer to anything.  In fact...you could say that the action you're indulging in, isn't getting you immediate results.  But you could still count it as a necessary evil.

In the 'living' and 'action' realm of your life, there's always going to be some roadside carnage, and for me it usually affects my domestic roles, or anything else that isn't health and fitness related.

I've been living in that realm for...oh...about two weeks now...since the start of the school holidays.  It's been nice having a change to my usual routine of school drop-off-gym-school pick-up.  But as much as I've enjoyed the change where routine has gone out the window and I've got to spend some nice 'girly' time with Miss Phil, plus a seemingly endless list of birthday parties and socialising, I've reached the end of my tolerance for non-routine. 

I haven't seen inside the gym for a whole week (have been sick) and it's time to get everything back into some time of order.  It's time to resume my ordered way of life, and I am sooooo keen to get back to 'school drop off - gym - school pick-up' routine.

There's some unfinished business (tax...domestic duties...gardening) too, that needs to get sorted this week, so that once the action phase starts again, I'm not weighed down thinking about superflous stuff that just interferes with my training goals.  It's so easy to get caught up in that, and in the long run doesn't get you any closer to your goals and can sabotage any type of consistency.

Next year for me is going to be a very big year and I'm going to have to be really super-organised and economical in the way I do life.  I'll be embarking on full-time study and some other plans in the pipeline, so the way I train will have to change if I want to maintain the gains I've made, but still move towards making progress.  I know it's possible.  But I will need a different mindset to accomplish this.

So for the remainder of this year I will be concencentrating on deleting the superfluous from my life (that I haven't already jetisoned) and fine-tuning in the areas of training, nutrition and generally getting my home life in order.  It's only 5 months until the end of the year, so I want to squeeze in as much training as I can so I can see some real change in my body, before I embark upon life changes in 2012.

Also, I have a feeling, based on the weather we've had, that this summer will be an awesome one!  And I want to be ready to hit the beach on a regular basis and make the most of what would have to be my favourite part of the year...sun, surf, sand, and fresh air!  Summer of 2011 - here I come!



Expecting Perfection = Exercise in Futility

"Strength is taking a look at where you are and, from there, getting to where you want to be, no matter how hard it is or how long it takes to get there."

My weekend was an opportunity to learn some valuable lessons and to remind myself that some lessons are harder to master than others.

Being in the AR has provided some invaluable lessons, of which many I've learnt through the continual exposure to 'out of my comfort zone' experiences. Just when you think you've finally worked it out and have got the hang of how things work, there will inevitably be moments when this false sense of security will be shattered.

But I've worked out that it's not so much the culture of the AA, because I've been in long enough to understand it. It was and is, my decision to expose myself to an environment where 'being comfortable' is for babies. Regardless of the challenges, if you want to make progress as a person, and maintain your sanity, you need to learn how to respond differently to the external stuff that is being thrown at you.

In a nutshell, and we've heard this before..."It's not what happens to us - it's how we respond to what happens."

It's hard for me to accept that in the AA we constantly f*ck up, because we are constantly learning and applying that knowledge in an environment where decisions need to be made quickly.

And what I've discovered from those who have been around a bit longer in the game, is that it's actually pretty normal and that it's actually okay to f*ck up. It's okay because they're not going to let you fail. They're just going to allow you to be exposed to (certain) situations over and over again until you get it! So I have to overcome this fear of not getting things right the first time...or the second time...or..or... Obviously, there are some situations where you can't f*ck up - like when it comes to safety. But you get the jist of what I'm saying.

But in general (and it's harder in reality), it's about accepting that some things we're not the best at, and it will take time to get better at it.

Why am I I telling you this?

I think sometimes that as we get older, we avoid doing things and gaining more experiences, because there's this expectation that we should have it all worked out and have the answers and be wise and all-knowing. But then, we get that confused with doing everything right all the time, and that's not what experience is all about. Experience requires alot of mistakes in order to learn and to grow. And I think as we get older that we fear being seen as someone who makes alot of mistakes, so we deliberately avoid doing different things which put us out of our comfort zone, and we inevitably lose opportunities to make new discoveries and learn valuable skills.

We want to be able to tell people that we're good at what we do. We want to appear from the outside, that we've got our shit together and we're pretty hot shit! But the reality is, if we want to make progress, then we're going to be looking silly and making stupid mistakes...alot.

So the question is...

Do we want to look cool all the time and not make mistakes and miss out on valuable experiences and the opportunity to grow in skill and as a person?

or...

Do we want to live a life being exceptional, by learning to let go; being less than than perfect; knowing very well that we're going to make lots of mistake and look silly alot in order to grow, and be accepting of that?

* P.S. On a different note - on the weekend, I reached one of my 2011 AR fitness test goals of 40 push-ups, and wiped 4 seconds off my running time - all with little sleep and fatigued legs! Sometimes there are positives in our experiences. We just need to look for them. :)