Could This be the End of 'No Ordinary Moments'?

“Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness."

 

- Lord Edward Stanley

The Paradigm Shift…

Today as I write this, it's Monday 5^th March, 2012.  A paradigm shift is happening and I know now what I need to do - what feels right for my life at this point in time. 

I’m just not sure yet where to begin.  This morning I’m suffering from overthinking.  An annoying tendency I have which rears its’ ugly head every so often.  So for me, the best way to stop overthinking and begin doing, is to put it into words and usually what happens during this process is that the pieces of the puzzle and all those thoughts floating and swimming around in my head, begin to make sense and I can then see some pattern, so that order begins to emerge.

Now I’m sounding like a broken record.  My blog is all about ‘health and fitness’, but my posts of the last six months, even though touching on this, haven’t been definitive in regard to specifics of my fitness journey, as they originally began nearly three years ago.  I have no further (fitness) insights to share with you, because I’ve reached the end of that particular road. 

I am about to embark on another slightly different road. Health and fitness is still part of that, but it becomes only one part of the equation.  Its’ importance hasn’t changed, however, but how I ‘do’ health and fitness has…is changing.  I can see clearly now how it is a part, no less important, of the bigger picture of life.

I remember the first shift.   I embarked on my Ideal Bodies Online journey back in July 2008…major shift.  I was not in a good place.  Going forward just a little to January 2009, life had changed for the better and I grabbed it with everything I had.  Doors opened and I had a new body; new confidence (my old self); increased health and fitness; new plans and limitless opportunity.  My learning curve grew exponentially and in that process I learned a lot about myself and what I was capable of.

In three-and-a-half years I’ve turned my life around.  I made a promise never to return to that period before July 2008, and I haven’t.  It hasn’t been all smooth sailing, but on the whole I’ve maintained around the same weight and I’ve definitely become fitter and stronger.  For me, it’s all about being better than I was yesterday, and I am proud to say that with each day, I’m getting better (well…not every day).  Some days of course you may take a step or two back, and some days you take a step or two forward.  I’m fortunate to say that there have been more days that I’ve gone forward than back, so I’m still out in front and making progress.

My accomplishments since embarking on my ‘Fit-and-Fab-at-40’ journey have been:

-          Losing around 15kgs to sit on a weight range of 58-60kgs to culminate just before my 40^th birthday with a 12% body fat on the day of my photo shoot in January 2009.

-          Joining the Australian Army in June 2009 at the age of 40.  I embarked on a 12 month training program written by Kristin Gleeson of IBO, to prepare me for the rigours of Basic Training, taking into account my back injury.

-          Helping others on their health and fitness journey as a personal mentor for IBO which I finished up in 2010.

-          Overcoming hip bursitis and being able to run again after approx. 5-8 years being unable to run.

-          Overcoming a herniated disc injury which had plagued me since 2000 (when I originally injured my back) through exercise and a lot of rehabilitation work.  Firstly through IBO and then specific rehabilitation, encompassing core strength and stability work with exercise physiologist, Liz Nelson.  The significance of this particular achievement is signficant, given the accompanying muscular and skeletal imbalances and injuries which I’ve sustained as complications of having a back injury.

-          Joining and training in Crossfit for 6 months of 2010.  This had been a goal of mine since becoming fitter and I saw this as an opportunity to ramp up my fitness.  However, I had to concede that Crossfit became detrimental to my fitness because of existing injuries and my underlying incorrect muscular activation issues.  I also discovered at this time that I had a bone spur and beginnings of hip degeneration in the RHS hip ball and socket.

-          Becoming educated as to what good nutrition is and what works best for me.  I have to admit the ‘what works best for me’ is still up for contention, and I’m at this very moment rethinking that part of nutrition.   Or moreso, taking this a step further.  A reason for me rethinking is tied up in the way I view or ‘do food’.  It’s something I’m constantly learning about and you could say that it’s evolved and still is evolving.  I will let you in on that when I feel more comfortable that I won’t be judged for it. The proof will be in the pudding, so to speak.  I would prefer to show you with results rather than with cheap talk.

The physical accomplishments are always easier to measure, but as we all know, it’s the other accomplishments that you can’t necessarily see by looking which have the most profound effect on our lives.

I’m talking mainly about the self confidence that comes from overcoming challenges.  This and the happiness and aura that you exude is exponential in its’ effect on not only your family and friends, but people you come into contact with daily.

It’s the clarity you get about your life and the hope and excitement you have about your future, because it’s so full of possibility.  Life then becomes exciting because you are no longer a bystander but a full participant - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

It also becomes about focus…goal driven focus.  You become determined and persistent in your endeavours.

Back to paradigm shifts…and focus.

For three-and-a-half years I have been ‘on’. I flicked a switch back in July 2008 and my focus was like tunnel-vision.  I trained hard, six days a week and I followed my IBO program (I did four programs in a row) 100%!  Nothing could deter me from reaching my goals and the old Kerry was back!

For three-and-a-half years I’ve weighed not only myself on a daily basis (though I’m honest when I say it has never really done my head in too much.  I’ve looked at it as a way to monitor patterns rather than punish or reward myself) but I’ve weighed my food on and off.  I’ve tracked the calories consumed and the macro-nutrient break-up of my nutrition to ensure I’ve had the right balance of protein, fats and carbs.  I’ve tracked my BPM via HRM and calories expended in conjunction with calories consumed through nutrition via CalorieKing to ensure that I had a caloric deficit when my goal has been weight loss.  I’ve learnt bucket-loads in the process.

I’ve trained hard and I’ve trained intensely and even as recently as a couple of weeks ago my goal for 2012 was to train intensely and consistently for 12 months.  The same way and with the same intensity I have been for the majority of the three years.  For me, it’s been all or nothing. That is about to change.

Fellow health enthusiasts and bloggers…it’s time to turn that switch off and change the light bulb!

Paradigm shift…I’m fuckin’ tired!

I’m tired of being tired and overtraining (my fault entirely).   In the last month, all of a sudden I’m racking up small, niggly injuries.  Something is up.  At one stage only recently I couldn’t stomach the thought of rocking up to the gym.  Ummm… ***Danger! Danger! Proceed at your peril!***.  Is this a tap on the shoulder or what?  I’ve had enough of those to take notice.  If there’s anything I’ve learnt, it’s to listen to what my body and intuition is telling me, once I’ve ruled out the possibility that I’m just piking.

There are more dimensions to life than purely health and fitness, but

without those, there a fewer options….

Please understand - this isn’t about blaming anyone or even myself.  I think it’s a natural consequence and part of my health, fitness, and life journey.  It’s a kind of fork in the road.  A place where I stop and ask myself…”Do I continue along this path, or do I take another?”

I’m tired of having to weigh my food and myself. I’m tired of cooking separate meals for myself, my husband and my daughter and not being able to sit down at dinner all at the same time and enjoy dinners as a family.  I’m tired of thinking about cheat meals, free meals, low-carb, low-fat, blah..blah…blah! 

Of course, that’s not to say that if you’re beginning your weight loss journey that you don’t necessarily have to be doing those things.  Not forever anyway –just until you have your weight and nutrition under control and you’ve maintained for a good period of time.  I had to do it first to learn what I know now.  I’m just a lot further along the road, and the process no longer suits my purpose.  That’s it – nothing more or nothing less.

I’m not belittling what’s required at the start of an individuals’ journey.  I’m just taking the next step toward what I deem as progress.

I’m tired of the fact that my workouts take so much time out of my day that I don’t get to do other things in my life because it’s not just the workout, it’s the fallout – pissed off because I don’t have the energy to do what other things I want or need to do in my life on any given day. 

I think I’ve well and truly proven myself.  Not only to others, but to myself.  It’s time to stop trying to prove to myself what is apparent to everyone else.  I’m fit, muscular and lean.  No prizes here.  So why the hell am I still doing this?  As a perceptive friend said to me only recently…”You’re a fit 40yr old trying to train like a fit 20yr old”.  He was right.  It’s time to start thinking like a fit 40yr old and accept that life is different.  It’s suicidal for me to continue pursuing a 20yr old fitness mindset.  Even though at my core, I still feel like that 20yr old.  This is my second wind in life and I intend to make the most of it by working smarter and being kinder to myself.  I can still be fit, muscular and lean.  I don’t have to beat myself up to achieve that anymore.

Where this all began…

When I finished up with my martial arts club, back eons ago, I suspect I had a nervous breakdown of sorts.  I went on to make another business mistake (that made two in a row where I chose the wrong person I went into business with) and during the fallout of those gut-wrenching failures, I decided there and then while going away to lick my wounds, that life for me would be different.  I was not going to partake in the madness of the world around me any longer…working too hard, working to be ‘rich’ (what a joke that is), and having no time to do the simple things in life which in the end became less attainable and further from my grasp.  That was around the time I fell pregnant with Philomena.  She then became another catalyst for change.  Having children for most people, as with myself, changes your perspective about life and what becomes more important.

Anthony and I decided then that life would be different.

We made the specific choice that I would stay home full-time to rear Philomena while she was at school.  I sold my car and we bought a unit in Mt Warren Park, as that was all we could get into at the time.  I did it tough with a young baby, having no car most of the time and having to catch public transport.  When you have a car, you take for granted the simple little things, like going the shops to buy necessities whether it’s pouring rain, windy, cold or oppressively hot.   Luckily, we had Anthony’s parents and a good friend to help during those difficult early years.  Since then, we’ve managed to buy a house and hang onto our investments.  I consider ourselves doing okay even on one income.  It’s a little tougher at the moment financially, but life is good.   Having a little more income through the Army Reserves has helped. Going out to work full-time to get a bigger or better house for me was not an option and still isn’t if it can be helped.  I couldn’t even imagine the detrimental effect on family life with all that stress.  I know most of the population have to do this.  We just chose and still choose, different.

So we decided that our family was going to be different than the mainstream.  Life would be quiet and Philomena would not be indulged.  We would give her our love, time and a quiet, stress-free and peaceful home life.  We would raise her to make healthy food choices, to have manners and courtesy, respect others and act with dignity.  And most of all, we would tell her we loved her and that you are never too old for hugs.  And we still do.

We are practicing Catholics and decided that though we don’t speak out about it, we would live those ideals and bring up Philomena with them.  It is our moral compass in a world where the majority of people have no moral compass and many people are lost.  I believe that it’s those guiding principles and traditions that keep us on course and keep us strong as a family and unite us.  Sometimes what we celebrate is against popular belief and it can be difficult to explain to your child why we don’t always follow what others do.  As we often say to Philomena, “just because others do something, that doesn’t mean you have to do it too”.  It’s about what is the right thing to do for us, which isn’t always easy, especially for a nearly six year old girl.  But she’s doing fabulously and as long as we explain why we do what we do she’s content.  She won’t understand fully right now, but one day she will.

So, there are rules we’ve set.  We will never allow a play station or computer games in the house.  We will never allow a TV in every room.  We limit TV exposure and encourage a lot of outside play and exploration.  The evenings are time to reduce the noise, turn down the lights, read, converse as a family and have time for quiet contemplation and then go to bed peacefully. 

I think the majority of families have lost the ability to connect because they are too busy living their own individual lives attached to technology and drowned out by all the noise, under their own roof.  They are like boarders who come out occasionally because they’re hungry and go back to their individual lives, and as a consequence they don’t know their own family. They have the inability to connect with others as well as themselves, introspectively. This also includes the inability to recognise signs and signals and lifes' sometimes subtle vibrations that reach out to us.  Society is so de-sensitised that it takes the force of an oncoming train to wake us from our state of disconnectedness.

“The most important thing is to find out what is the most important thing.”

- Shunryu Suzuki

At this point in time it’s about simplifying life when the accepted norm is to complicate life.  It doesn’t have to be this difficult.  Life doesn’t have to be that busy or stressful.  As the saying goes…less is more.

Paradigm shift…less is more.  It doesn’t have to be this difficult. 

Since moving into our new home and connecting more with my surroundings, and endeavouring to connect with family and friends at a deeper level, I’ve found that I’m yearning for more simplicity in my life to gain a richer, more satisfying relationship with it.

It’s all about Balance.  And I realise I’ve said this before.  ‘Balance’ was used in the context of my health and fitness journey, but Balance now is all about life as a whole and how I integrate all parts of my life (and the different roles I play) to reflect this.  It’s about living life more intuitively based around of course, a healthy lifestyle.  That hasn’t changed.  I’m not about to throw the baby out with the bath water. 

However, in addition to that it’s about living a life that is more genuinely me.  Those feelings of uneasiness and that somehow what I was doing was no longer congruent with what I knew in my heart to be right for me, are what’s been surfacing in the last six months.  I just didn’t know it then.

I’ve been a gym-rat for three years.  I’ve worked out and eaten, following program after program.  It’s become too hard, too tiring and too regimented.   It’s time to approach my health and fitness lifestyle differently, and enjoy physical pursuits of old, before my martial arts days, as well as encounter new ones.   It’s time to breathe fresh air into my health and fitness lifestyle and as Peter Barr would say… to continue living (more of) my genius.

From here it’s about being ‘Fit-and-Fab-after-40’. It’s time to remove all that white noise where I take life a notch upward, but at a slower, more flowing and intuitive pace.

Could this be the end of ‘No Ordinary Moments’?...

I haven’t decided yet whether to finish ‘No Ordinary Moments’ with this post.  I don’t know.  Maybe it will just evolve as I have evolved.  In the big scheme of blogs in this world, mine is just a number of millions of blogs written by people who want to be heard.  I just don’t know if I need to be heard any longer.  Am I satisfied with living out my life without an audience?

To quote the famous Zen koan…”If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound?”  If I cease to allow people to bear witness to my journey via blogging, will anybody feel the ripple when my blog ceases to exist?

(Being) Fit and Fabulous AFTER 40 (is hard work!)

Mua at 40

"Fitness - If it came in a bottle,

everybody would have a great body."

- Cher

Hello fellow bloggers and health enthusiasts.  It's been awhile since I last blogged and I'm happy to say that life is just dandy...considering.  I also haven't had any home phone or internet connection for one week tomorrow!  I'm using hubby's computer.

I've had a few minor challenges in the last month or so, mainly to do with training (overtraining and then lack of motivation), as you would have read in my last post.  After a small break I resumed my training, but ever since I've been plagued by some annoying little niggles. 

The first was some upper trap tension which kept pulling my neck out of alignment and I was getting headaches and increased tiredness.  So it was back to doing my lower trap activation work.  My physio also said I had Plantar Fasciitis in my right foot.  It had been annoying me for some time and I finally fessed up.  So stretching and icing was prescribed for that (that's going to take longer to heal).  And in the last week, just to prove that things come in threes, I managed to strain my RHS calf (though we're not 100% convinced this is what it was).  That means no running, and alot of massage and stretching.  It's feeling much better and I should be able to resume gentle running by the start of next week.  I think my body is trying to tell me something, and I've been listening.

So,  my training volume and intensity have changed down somewhat.  To be honest, I think it's what I've needed.  I haven't even been strictly following a program, but have rather been listening to what my body has been telling me and doing what feels best.

The funny thing is, I haven't put on weight. I've been between 133-135lbs now for a couple of months.  Up and down.  I haven't been progressing past that 133lbs.  Even with the decrease in volume and training intensity, I'm still sitting on 133lbs.  And that' where I've been sitting.  I still haven't hit my goal weight of 57kgs (125.66lbs), but I don't think it's too far away. 

But, I'm not concerned, because I have finally got my nutrition on track and having more variety.   And even though my weight hasn't changed on the scales, something is happening, because in the last week, my shorts have all of a sudden loosened and I now have to buy a new belt, because my old one is too big.  My faithful denims I haven't worn for a couple of weeks, because they now fall down too low. 

The body fat is starting to come off and I'm starting to look lean again.  It's just that last remnant of body fat sitting on my butt and thighs.  You know, the bit that is always first to go on and the last to come off?

The thing is,  I'm doing it all differently.  I'm no longer focused on training 24/7 like I have been in the last few years.  Life has changed somewhat, and I no longer have to expend as much energy thinking about my fitness.  I plan and then I do.  Not as much deliberation now.  When I'm at training I focus 100% on doing my best (even at the moment as my intensity is at around 75%, rather than 100%).  And when I finish, I focus on that part of my life that I'm experiencing at that time.  I'm getting alot better at compartmentalising different areas of my life and not stressing about each one in-between.

I think I'm starting to understand this thing called 'Balance'.

On the other hand, that doesn't mean that I don't focus at all on my training or fitness goals.  I still think about them.  I just don't obsess so much anymore.  I'm doing lots of reading in the realm of nutrition at the moment and I'm finding it quite intriguing and I'm learning new things about how our bodies respond to varying degrees of macro-nutrients. So I'm still learning things.

Interestingly, just reading my coach, Liz's latest post, brought to mind how what people think, regardless of who we are, still has an influence on us to a greater or lesser degree.  I'm finding as I get older, it's becoming more important what I think of myself, rather than what others think of me.

I know for a fact that those outside the bodybuilding and fitness world think I'm obsessive because I enjoy training and assume that because I am muscular, I'm super fit (a misconception).  Older friends and family just think I'm skinny (and they want to fatten me up).  It's interesting how others perceive you.  And here I am thinking I'm doing okay for 43, but I still have a ways to go.  Just yesterday I bumped into an old neighbour and she asked me if I was a personal trainer. But as it goes, it's funny that others will notice the best of you while your self-talk is quickly summing up the worst of you.

However, in reality, when I look at other women my age in normal, everyday society, I know I'm part of a minority.  And I'm damned proud of it!  I like being different.  And if other women think I'm too muscular, so be it.  As I've said before...I'd rather have muscular arms than tuckshop arms, any day!  I've had them (tuckshop) and let me tell you, I didn't feel so special.

So I'll just keep chugging along and working on improving my fitness, keeping lean and growing a butt (muscle)!  Like Liz, I think I'm a fitness generalist and I'm really keen on trying different types of exercise genre, whether that be training for strength, power or endurance.  I like to mix it up. 

After so many years of martial arts (power and endurance), it's been a nice change to do different things.   And even though I miss martial arts (I've had to put it to bed for now due to time constraints and also injury), the many years of training have no doubt put me in good stead and have paved the way to pursue fitness in differing ways.

Even with all my little niggles, I'm still a work-in-progress.  Yes, it takes hard work to be fit and fabulous after 40.  But you know, I don't have any medical problems that trouble me.  I don't take any medication for anything.  I don't drink or smoke and don't feel the need to, because I'm quite high on life without them.  I mostly have food under control, though I don't think it's something we all completely master.  We all have our 'moments'.

I have energy to keep up with my nearly 6yr old daughter as well as do everything physical around the house.  I put to shame fellow AA reservists half my age when it comes to fitness tests (and that includes men too) and I have to say, I secretly enjoy putting them to shame! 

I know that if I need to dig deep physically, I can.  And for me, it's important to know that whatever challenge I face, I can handle it.

The best part is, I'm excited because I may be getting older, but I'm getting fitter (and I'm enjoying getting mellow too)!

How Hard Do You Train?

Is it just me, or am I just getting old?  Yes, I'm getting older and my body can't do as much physically, but crikey - some days I feel like absolutely shagged!  I think about women who work full-time and workout and I wonder how they do it.

Yesterday I started my day at 4:40am.

You see...I took my daughter and nephew to the Qld State Library yesterday.  I knew it was going to be a long day, and prepared all my food and Philomena's food the night before.  I knew I wouldn't feel like working out, considering it was a strength training day, and at the moment these sessions are pretty taxing.  So I decided to do my training before.  My sessions ATM including about 20mins rehab, take 2.5hrs, so I needed to get to the gym early and have time to come home and pack our bags, etc before heading off.  I also have to eat before a strength session and I like to eat no less than 1hr before I train. 

By the time I got home it was around 6pm after dropping off my nephew, etc, etc.  It was good that I got in my early morning session.  I was in bed by 8:30pm last night.  I could have gone to bed earlier if I didn't have to eat dinner.

Anyway...for those of you who work full-time, and in your 40's and have to train early in the morning...how the hell do you do it, day-in-day-out?

Now Liz did warn me that my sessions would be very taxing and I needed recovery-time.  Well at first I just shrugged it off, but now I get it.

When I first start a new program I'm so excited and motivated and I imagine myself doing all these amazing, adrenaline-pumped, crazy workouts where I'm pushing myself like mad, and then I go home and do all the other stuff in my life that I plan each day and what others consider a normal part of being a mother, wife and general Mrs Fix-it...and...I'm still smiling and bouncing off the walls.

But often when I get home, reality kicks in and all I feel like doing is reclining on the couch and having a good old snooze....for the rest of the day!  Then reality kicks in once again - I rest for about 10mins and then I get up and push-on.  You know?...what most mothers do.

My strength sessions start off with a 5min warm-up on the X-trainer, then 10mins at moderate-high intensity. I then do my rehab and begin strength training after. My new program entails four simple exercises - Squats, Press, Deadlifts, Pull-ups. I then finish off with a 15min moderate intensity run, just to make sure my legs are depleted. 

Seems pretty simple right?   How hard can that be?  Apparently it looks simple, but hugely taxing on the body.  I can testify to that.

So what is my mindset?  To be honest...I dread my strength sessions!  You know why?  IT'S FU*KIN HARD WORK!

But I also know that once I'm inside those gym walls, I'm rockin'! 

I have a certain pre-training ritual.  When I put on my gym gear (my super hero outfit) I'm getting ready for action.  I shower,  pull my hair back for training; I prep my gym bag, throw on my runners and sunnies and I head out the door.  I must listen to my favourite work-out track on the way to the gym - it gets the juices flowing.  When I get to the gym there are two vital things I MUST HAVE before I can begin.  One is my training diary and the other is my I-Pod.  Without these two things, my mojo is compromised!   If I forget them, I swear and curse myself over my stupidity.  Sometimes I have to go home to get them if that's what it takes.

I walk downstairs to the main training area and I do a quick sweep of the entire floor to get a feel of the mood of the place.  Atmosphere for me is really important for my workouts.  I thrive on that energy that everyone gives off.

I go to the toilets and get out all my stuff.  The last thing I do before I head out to begin is I put on my headphones.  Once I put my headphones on, I can't hear anyone or anything.  I AM NOW IN THE ZONE!    I don't need to know what everyone is saying - I shut out all the noise.  I just  feed off the energy.

When I train I don't talk to anyone.  I might just smile or give a nod.  I completely zone out. 

Regardless of how I feel, I cannot slack off!  In fact, I like to give it my all.  I like to train hard.  I like to do one better than I did the last training session.  If I'm really fatigued or feeling flat, then the minimum I expect from myself is to maintain what I did the last session.

If I'm not in a ball of sweat - I'm not training hard.  As in Pauline Nordin's photo above, you don't look pretty when you workout!  That's how I like to train - hard.   Hard for me anyway. Because my thinking is...it's only temporary.  If I train hard and give it my all now,  I can go home and relax.  But out of the minutes and hours in the day, whatever it is that I'm doing, the time required isn't all that long, and then I can rest when I'm done.  So I put in.  I don't think of my whole workout on strength days.  I just stay in the present and give my all to whatever set or reps I'm doing. 

The hardest part of my strength sessions at the moment is that last run.  My legs feel a little wobbly to start and I just want to go home.  Sometimes I entertain the idea that I should cut down the time or the speed, but then I know I would be cheating myself.  It's just a psychological thing.  It's all in my head.  My body can handle it quite alright, but it's just my head telling me otherwise.  And like I said, I can't not do it.  I must at least equal or better what I did last time.  How else am I going to progress?

So regardless of where you are when it comes to fitness training, be honest with yourself.  How hard are you training?  Don't compare yourself with Jo Blo next to you.  Compare yourself with your last effort.  Always put in your best.  You'll get days where you feel like shit!  If that's the case, congratulate yourself for turning up.  You've conquered the first major hurdle by getting your arse out the door and training.  Because if you want to know how to get fitter, faster, stronger, better, all you have to do is better than you did yesterday...rinse and repeat!

2012...You Make Me Feel So....

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

― J.K.Rowling

Only 4 more days until 2012.

I can't believe how the year has gone so quickly.  Reviewing my goals from 2011, I find I achieved a few and some I didn't.  My goal of maintaining 57kgs (or within 1kg of) didn't go to plan, but I maintained that happy weight for 6 months of the year, so I was pretty happy with that.  I intend to hit that weight in January 2012 and again, try to maintain that weight all year round.

For me, 2012 will be a year of consolidation.  I won't be taking on anything new, fitness-wise.  I will be focusing on strength in the first half of the year and then power. 

It should filter through to my army fitness tests.  I did manage to reach my goal of 40 push-ups for my BFA.  I didn't make any real gains as far as my running for my BFA though, so I hope to next year .  If I get the consistency, I should see a marked improvement in my running time.

My plans for 2012 are not sexy but the results should be, provided I stick to training consistently and staying on top of my nutrition.

So it's going to be a rather boring year in 2012.  Nothing new really.  Just hard, consistent training and nutrition throughout the year and building a strong foundation and platform to see me through 2013. I've got a couple of big things happening in my life in 2013 in the way of big changes, so I want to make next year really count. 

Next year's training as well as one particular change in 2013, will lead me into what I've been working toward since my 40th birthday.  It's a 5 year plan and I'm already thinking about what I want and what will take place on my 45th birthday in 2014.

I'll be keeping it under wraps though, so I'm afraid you'll have to stay guessing for awhile.

Anyway...I've noticed a change in my posts for 2011.  Apart from the fact that I've hardly done much in the way of posts, I also haven't had anything really inspiring to say.  I think time for talking was well and truly over, and I've just been focusing on the doing.  I've also been pre-occupied on the domestic front and happy and contented getting quite involved in family and our new home, and making our home life just so peachy!  I love being at home, getting more involved with Philomena's activities; cooking; cleaning; gardening; family and friends; and generally pottering around the yard.  Miss Phil and I call it our 'Secret Place'.  That's for another post coming soon.

Well time to say adieu!  How did you go with your goals for 2011?  Do you have new ones planned for 2012, and do they Make You Feel So?  I hope they do, otherwise how will you see them come to fruition if your heart and soul doesn't feel them with utter conviction?

Oh...don't you just love my post pic?  Now that to me depicts sheer athleticism.  If I looked that good in a crop top and shorts then I'd die one happy girl.  Of course, I'm happy now. However, that would be the icing on the cake of my blessed life.

Alot of Time for Reflecting

"A string of excited, fugitive, miscellaneous pleasures is not happiness; happiness resides in imaginative reflection and judgment, when the picture of one's life, or of human life, as it truly has been or is, satisfies the will, and is gladly accepted."

- George Santayana

Wow...the last 3 weeks went by faster than I thought.  Though, while out field it seemed to go on forever.  As you may or may not be aware, I was away with the AA up at Tin Can Bay.  I don't often write about my thoughts or feelings regarding my service, because some things aren't meant to be so public.  It's not something I see necessary to discuss and share in public, especially on the net.

However, in this instance, I feel that the need to share.  It's mostly about what I observed in relation to fellow soldiers, mainly full-time (regulars).  Not so much their true personal thoughts and feelings, but more so what I observed in the way that people of different generations come together and connect (or not) as a group. 

Basically, the exercise I attended was a Mission Readiness Exercise, devised to help prepare the next regiment of infantry men due to head over to Afghanistan. It's their last opportunity to prepare before being deployed. 

I found myself amongst mostly that of Generation-Y and I kid you not...I look at our future and am so very disheartened.  I know it's not right to tar this entire generation with the same brush, but I found the majority of the Gen-Y'ers, self-absorbed, cynical, self-righteous, addicted to technology and lacking an awareness and lacking deep empathy for their fellow human beings.  I don't blame people for calling them Generation-ME.

They lack the ability to really connect.  Not just with people of other generations apart from their own, but also with their present surroundings.  I also found many lacking personal integrity and respect.  I really hate to admit this, but I worry about what the future AA will look like in some respects. 

On later reflection, I came to the conclusion that maybe it isn't all Gen'Y'ers.  On deeper and more critical reflection, it isn't necessarily about age but possibly about the group of people and their level of education and experience in the world and their narrow sphere of influence. 

Army culture is not like the real world.  In alot of ways, it cushions young people from the intracacies of 'civvy street' (Civvy is what we call a person who is not in the army). I personally think that school leavers should not enter the defence force until such time that they've had 'real world' experience and are more aware of its' complexities, are more compassionate towards those who don't have their physical prowess or opportunities, and less enured due to their occupational circumstances.

But regardless of this, I found their unwillingness to enter into any real type of social intercourse with those outside their own age group and interests, quite confounding.  One word which I think describes them is indifferent.

Now when I said 'majority', this observation does and did not apply to all.  I have often found in my short time in the AA that people are as varied as those on civvy street.  An officer once said to me that the AA is 'microcosm of society'.  And while on exercise, I did come across a small number of truly genuine, compassionate, intelligent, and respectful young people. Disappointingly, they were a minority.

I've found that there are many people within the AA who are in fact dedicated, self-respecting as well as having the utmost respect for others, who have a high degree of personal and professional integrity.  Luckily for us (Australia) hey?

Anyway...enough about that.  That was only one experience and with due respect, this is the first time I've come this dilemma. 

The photo above is me in a tent in a 'village'.  It was extremely hot (we only got to shower every 3 days while out in the village) and when we weren't involved in an activity, we were confined to our tents.  The place is also a haven for midgees and horseflies.  Luckily they don't find me as tasty as some other people. And we had one baby brown snake in our tent, which luckily slithered away without too much fuss, and I never saw it again. 

We were fortunate upon first arriving at camp that we had time to visit Rainbow Beach and I now have started on my summer tan. :P  The beach and water were spectacular and I made the most of that time.  It's unusual to have this type of recreational time.

Rainbow Beach

I also got in a lot of reading while holed up in our tents.  I think I read six books over the three weeks, and I took some other books and starting drawing up a plan for our house to extend and started on the garden design.  I've also worked out which veges to plant, so my next task is to build the raised vege garden.  Hopefully I can get that done this week.  With only 4 weeks til Christmas, I'm finding that there is so much to catch up on (like housework...yard work, mail, etc). 

Me with 'the little people'. Josh, Tim, Scott and his daughter Hannah

I did find alot of aspects of the exercise interesting, and met some interesting people in the process.  Like 'the little people' above who were employed by the AA to play the role of children.  Yes...that's me in a burka, but I haven't got my full face cloth on, where you can only see my eyes when worn.  The little people I found refreshingly open, warm and friendly and more accepting than people of normal height. I also found their enthusiasm for life with all its' challenges that dwarfs find in normal society, a lesson for us.  They never complained and saw every setback as an experience to gain from and to laugh at.   Consequently, they are also paid very well (as actors), thank you very much.  They earn more money on a daily basis that we do.  Incidently, they prefer not to be called 'midgets', but moreso the correct term of 'dwarf' or 'little people' they are quite happy with. 

The coastal region of Tin Can Bay is quite 'scrubby' and I was amazed at the native flora growing abundantly...Acacias, Grevilleas and the like.  Beautiful wildflowers everywhere.  The scrub was also full of the most amazing Ghost Gums. In the first week I was greeted with spectacular full-moon nights and the night sky was brimming with sparkling stars.  It's something you don't often see in the city and suburbs. 

And I have to mention meeting John, the donkey man.  He owns a couple of donkeys which were used during the exercise.  The donkeys were called 'Kath and Kim' in our village, and evidently were a mother and daughter team.  They wouldn't go anywhere alone.  John was another interesting person I met who had done alot of travelling in his time.  He was an outback tour guide at some stage and has done alot of trekking and outdoor and adventure travel and guiding.  Originally from the UK, he has called Australia home for a large part of his adult life.  We talked alot about life, about people (and the Gen-Y'ers), his experiences and his current goals.  He's in his 4th relationship, has two teenage daughters and intends to make this one work.  He was reading some books on relationships and showed me, purposely hiding them in the event that the young army men might see them and think him quite gone soft.  I remarked that I wouldn't be too concerned about these young men, as they're not known for being in touch with their feminine side and would be too immature to appreciate what time has had the fortune of bestowing upon those of us who have been on this earth twice as long.  He also shared a personal insight about donkeys...apparently they are very wise creatures and admitted that sometimes he prefers their company to the human kind!

More reflections...one thing I always gain from being away from home and loved ones is how much I love my life and how much I treasure my family and friends at home and how peaceful and tranquil my family life is. 

My life, to those young people would be considered quite boring and talk of family, home, kids was lost on most of them who were single and still in the 'partying' stage of their lives. 

Looking back, of course when I was single I did enjoy going out, but the partying and drinking part didn't last long for me.  My training was still numero uno back in my teens and early 20's.  And at 21 I started my first business (martial arts/coaching) so partying was far from my mind.  I had more productive pursuits to think about.  I was also in my first serious relationship with a man 18 years my senior and had two school age children to care for in addition to that.

So...reflecting, I found how content I am now still, especially now we're in our new home which will most definitely be our last (unless we win the lotto - though I admit, I don't think I would move, I'd just have the money to make it exactly into what I want).  With plans for the vegie garden and waiting for our bantam chooks to arrive three days before Christmas; having family over on Christmas Eve, including Philomena's little cousins and uncles and aunts and grandparents, what could be more satisfying than spending time with loved ones. 

I love this time of the year, and the lead up to Christmas is always so special...putting up our Christmas Tree and Philomena helping decorate it...playing our Christmas CD's of which our favourites are The Nutcracker and Handel's Messiah.  Planning the food and decorating our home as well as bringing out the special Christmas dining decor and linen. Bringing out our Advent wreath and candles and lighting one for each week preceding Christmas, saying a prayer and thanking God for all our gifts and blessings and counting down the days til Christmas.  Visiting all the wonderful Christmas Lights.  All these little things together make Christmas so special.

Pauline Nordin

And last, but definitely not least, I had time to reflect on my training and how my year went.  For me, I came to the realisation that I was able to maintain my happy weight of 57kg's for at least 6 months of the year.  That went askew when we bought our house and I didn't train for six weeks.  And then of course, I went on exercise not long after.  So the last few months have not been ideal, and I'm carrying that little bit of extra weight again.  MInd you, I'm very determined to be back to 57kg's by Christmas.  I've already shed 1kg since my return late Wednesday.

So, in coming to this realisation I was happy with this, and my goal is to maintain a steady 57kg's all year round!  That's my ultimate goal...lean for life! 

Upon reflection, I think that this year I've made huge gains in relation to my overall strength and fitness.  You may not remember, but one of my goals was to be able train 'without injury', and this year marked the first year that I have had no major hindering injuries.  Apart from a niggle I sustained when first learning deadlifting and apart from little annoying tensions, I am happy to say that I have had a year without injury! 

My core is getting stronger and back pain is now pretty much non-existent. I was able to partake in army PT without concern of further injury and was able to play team sports like soccer, etc without worrying about my hips.  I've been running without any hip soreness and have been pain-free in my hips for the entire year!

I have to give credit where credit is due, and I have been able to achieve this with the help of Liz.  I'm looking forward to catching up with Liz again soon to formulate some new training plans and schedules and I'm really excited about 2012 in relation to my health and fitness journey.

I'm getting better at this. I'm still finding times when I slip, but they're happening less often and they don't last as long.

So I leave you with a photo Hannah posted on FB recently.  I love it!  Sometimes I wonder whether secretly my (physical) goals are unattainable, and whether I'm kidding myself.  But I've seen some amazing achievements and I've seen some equally amazing physical changes for those who were determined enough.  I'll except nothing less than my best.  The enjoyment is in the future possibilities and in what I've achieved so far. Still so far away from my ultimate look and physical level of fitness and I know my age hinders my progression, but that doesn't mean it has to stop me trying.

Here's Arnie's rules:

1. Trust yourself.
2. Dig deep down and ask who you want to be.
3. Don't be afraid to fail!
4. Don't listen to the Naysayers!
5. Work your Ass off.

Okay...time to work my arse off!

The Pauline Project

Thanks to Liz for putting a name to the next leg of my fitness journey. After reviewing my program, progress and technique form last week, Liz is about to create a new training program for me. My instructions before our program review was to look at my goals that I had set at the start of the year and extend them. Easier said than done.

I've been in limbo since hitting my goal weight of 57kg's. I reviewed those goals. And this is what I had down for 2011:

• reach 57kg's in weight...TICK


• maintain within 1kg-2kg's of 57kg's the entire year


• run 2.4km's in under 12mins on my Army BFA (basic fitness assessment)


• do 40 push-ups on my BFA...TICK


• complete CFA in June (15km timed forced pack march, carrying approx. 30kg pack)


• complete Army RDJ (run-dodge-jump) in June within time limit


• grade to levels 5 & 6 in Wing Chun

....and injury-free!

I've been a little lost actually, trying to decide how to extend those goals. The other goals which I didn't list, but I'd set nonetheless were:

increase glute size & strength

increase core strength & stability, especially in relation to hip/pelvis

So here's my reviewed and updated goal list for 2011...

• maintain within 1kg of 57kg's all year round (allowing for rebound weight)


• complete CFA in June


• complete RDJ in June


• grade to level 5 in Wing Chun in August


• run 2.4kms in 12mins on BFA


• do 45 push-ups on BFA


• increase glute size & strength


• increase quad size & strength


• increase ab size


• increase core strength & stability


• progress to lateral movement exercises

As you can see, there's not a lot of difference between my original 2011 and the revised ones. I've just added the visual and functional goals, which Liz has confirmed, go hand-in-hand, i.e. size and strength. I've also realised that I'm capable of more physically, so I've added in the 'lateral movement' goal, which is a big step for me. It will test those gains in the core stability area. With my lower back injuries of previous, this will be new ground I'll be breaking. So it's exciting to think that I'll be ready for this.

Now...writing the revised goals took about 15mins. So what's been the thing I've been finding it difficult to get my head around?

Maintenance, and the whole headspace thing.

Even though I've lost the weight before, this is a new feeling and place for me. I've added a little muscle and I look as lean now as when I did my photo shoot at 54.75kg's with depletion back in January '09. Though I have just a little more bodyfat on my outside thighs that I didn't have at my shoot.

I'm also injury-free. I'm stronger and aerobically fitter, and I've made huge gains just in the last 6-9 months. So much so, I'm continually surprising myself at what I can now do and how much further I can push myself.

I've come to the realisation that I now have no excuses to achieve the goals that I only dreamed about nearly 3 years ago now. There's nothing to stop me. I have no injuries holding me back. I now have the knowledge and experience I need when it comes to training and nutrition, so I can't use ignorance as an excuse.

Now, it's about belief and what's possible. And it's about hard, consistent training. It's about a whole new existence. A whole new paradigm and the way I live maintenance. Looking into the future, it's scary, because this doesn't end next month or next year. It's now the way I do life. This is my lifestyle. Am I prepared to accept that this is how it will be from here on in?

The door is closing on the relationship I had with food and exercise (and I think in general I have a pretty good relationship with both and I'm fairly disciplined). Another door is opening, and it's time to step through to the other side.

That doesn't mean that I'm going to be super obsessive. I can't maintain something which is too restrictive. It won't work. It must allow for the ebbs and flows in my life. So far, with the help of Liz, it's worked fantastically...intuitive training and nutrition. Who'd of thought?

However, intuitive doesn't mean losing control. It means looking at those ebbs and flows, understanding your mind and body and planning accordingly so that you are always in control, even when external events present themselves. And they always do. Now that is something you can bank on happening!

Now...The Pauline Project... Ok, let's be realistic here. To get a Pauline butt is literallly a 5 year project, and hard, consistent training. That's alot of deadlifting and squatting!

For me to stay focused, I need new goals. I need something with a date attached. Something tangible to work toward. So this year I'll be concentrating on the above goals I've set. But to achieve my ultimate goal, will take a number of timelines. Those timelines will all be part of The Pauline Project. I haven't quite worked out a deadline date for the first timeline, but should have one soon. There's still a little redefining required and adjustment.

Why Pauline? She rocks! Some might think her physique and technique a little extreme, but regardless of what you think of her, you can't mistake her results and her determination. She's all about action. She's a no BS type of gal. She walks the talk. And though I've seen quite a few fitness models and body building athletes, for me, she's the epitomy of the type of body I admire and aspire toward...lean, muscular, athletic, gritty, sexy, and still feminine.

For those of us who like muscular, apparently we are a minority. So be it!

Maintenance - the Ultimate Panacea?

This is an excerpt from a recent email from Liz, after admitting that I'd had emotional couple of days and basically went a bit crazy with the food at my cousin's engagement party last weekend...

"Hi Kerry,

Now that you're getting closer to maintenance and adopting more skills to be able to stay at your 57kg for life, it's worth talking a bit more about emotional eating and what triggers it.

For every bout of eating that's not planned or alternatively, food that is eaten when you're not hungry, usually has its roots tied up in emotional eating. It's important to recognize that we're all emotional creatures and rather than to try to be hardcore and pretend it's not happening, it's probably better to realize that we are nearly 100% of the time, emotional before we are logical. In fact, we'll use logic to justify our emotions.

For example - "I bought the little black dress because it was on special, and who wouldn't take advantage of a special - it seems the perfect time to buy".

"I supersized my meal because heck, every little cent counts these days and I want to find value"

When we emotionally eat, there's usually always an "Activating" Event.
From this event stems a "Belief" and from your "A" and your "B", there is usually a consequence.

For example:

A - not do so well with your Wing Chun
B - feel inadequate and frustrated
C - eat to numb the frustration and take the edge off - feel shitty.

It's what happens between A and B that is the most important - learning to change our perception of the situation - it's clear from the rest of the email you're starting to do this anyway.

From here it may be learning about yourself and your own personal eating print, that frustration or feelings of inadequacy drive you towards food - so rather than letting an emotional situation hurt you twice, you need to take your frustrations out elsewhere - this is called a COUNTERING technique
- a behaviour used to replace a poor or destructive behaviour with a good healthy technique - and pivotal to your long term success. "

So basically, I'm back at MAINTENANCE stage. It's good to be here.

It's the ulimate goal and place to be, but as most of you probably know, it's also one of the most challenging places to be, because that means that you've reached this goal. Fu*k! What do I do now? I mean, now that I'm here, I can't just say..."well I'm looking good, let's go crazy and eat all the shit I want and do sweet f*#all!"

But in actual fact, that's what alot of us do. We've put in all those months of hard, consistent work, and we tell ourselves that going back to eating shit, just for a little while, is our reward. WTF? (sorry about the swearing...armying on the weekend tends to put me in a 'take-no-prisoners' kind of mood...and we swear alot).

I've been down this road before, and I've lost sight of my goals. And you know, that's okay. You're not going to be perfect all the time. But in order to make this a 'life-long' thing and to stay here, feeling awesome takes just as much work, but it takes a different mindset.

So, as you can tell, I still have my emotional struggles. That's just life. Just when you figure you've got your shit sorted, some other emotional trigger comes to the fore, and you're left scratching your head and asking yourself..."where did that just come from?"

Though I do admit that I've just got better at overcoming those little 'emotional episodes'. I still fall in that hole, but these days I'm in it for less time and the holes aren't as deep. I don't overindulge to the same extent and I can't eat the same volume of food, i.e. the degree of shit I put in my body is not as bad and I can't eat as much shit as I used to.

So anyway. I'm getting better each time I do this. That's always my goal...to be better each day. That's all I can ask of myself. I'm not perfect...I'm work in progress.

Now the pics.

Sometimes we can amaze ourselves at the progress we make. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the shower door. The lighting is different in there and it really shows more muscular definition. It was hard though to photograph, as when you have a whitewash of light, the muscles have less definition. So I don't look as lean in these photos, but it gives a fairly good idea.

I'm very happy with my upper body. It's easier to lean out. It's my lower body that I find harder to lose body fat. That's just genetics. Though it won't stop me working toward my goals. So from here, I'll be concentrating a little more on gaining muscle and more definition in and around my glutes and quads. Of course, I still want to be fairly lean, so it's going to be challenging. But I'm relishing the challenge, and regardless of the results, I'll still feel good.

As far as my abs, well it's harder to see at the bottom of my abs, purely because I have excess skin. I have to accept that, and the only way to see more definition is to a) increase muscle size, and b) remove the excess skin.

Now the bottom two pics...

More photos of my front garden. We've had alot of rain lately and yesterday afternoon I got in some gardening time and planted some perennials and added some compost and fertliser to give the soil a much-needed lift. I find gardening very therapeutic and I'm always plotting and planning my next lot of plants to improve the look of my garden. I love cottage gardens, and I love the 'rambling' look.

Today is a rest day, and I'm just enjoying 'being' in the present and enjoying peace and quiet, as hubby is at work (the office for a change), and Phil is at school. I've been looking forward to today just to have to myself. To enjoy my garden, the lovely cool weather, and listening to the birds and watching them. And when I finish this post, it will be time to get stuck into some domestic activity, so I can relax and enjoy a nice, clean, warm and inviting home.

And tomorrow, it's back to the gym.