Wk 16...Transition, Habits of Discomfort, and Seeking Solace...

"Disenchantment, whether it is a minor disappointment or a major shock, is the signal that things are moving into transition in our lives."

- William Throsby Bridges

Weigh-in: 60.6kg Goal Weight: 57kg Amt to Lose: 3.6kg

My husband came up with this great word, I felt summed up what 2010 is for me...Transition.

I thought the quote above by William Throsby Bridges was quite apt, and it hadn't occurred to me that this period was one of disenchantment. However, when I really consider it, I think there's some truth to that.

Life is ever-changing and things never remain the same for any length of time. We go through peaks and troughs. At this time I'm not at the bottom of a trough, I'm somewhere on the way up towards a peak. It's a slow ascent, but it's worthy of my focus.

As I intimated in my last post, I've rescheduled my week to fit in Crossfit, Army PT and Wing Chun with the goal of achieving these activities without injury. Compared to last year, the training volume is not really there, and for good reason.

Initially I was hung up about it all, because my original goal for 2010 was to be VERY LEAN. Well, that's probably not going to happen this year. This year will be a year of transition where I just concentrate on strengthening my body so that it is fully functional and I can put in the hard yards again next year. As it stands, I have to deal with my current issue...core strength and stability, which is affecting my lower back and hip/pelvis stability.

Thanks to Liz for recommending Deanne, who is at this moment devising a home core program for me. I went to see Deanne yesterday for an assessment and we went over a few stretches and exercises. Deanne is a holistic lifestyle coach and fitness consultant who runs a PT and pilates studio in Brisbane. After reading about Liz's hip concerns and her delving into pilates, it got me thinking about what I realised was necessary to help with my current concerns. I was impressed with Deanne's knowledge and like IBO, wanted to know what my goals and aspirations are, in order to help me achieve my aims. I was pleasantly surprised to find quite a few of things we tried were along the same lines as what my physio has given me. I'm eagerly awaiting the exercises to start which I should receive by tomorrow. Next week I will be going back to actually go over them, and do the exercises during our session to consolidate and make any changes or corrections.

Deanne was on the same wavelength, in that I'm looking do the core program as a regular part of my training week, and to maintain my 2 x CF, 1-2 x Wing Chun & Army PT for the remainder of the year, with the idea to review my progress periodically. That means that in spite of what I might think and feel 3 months down the track, I should stick with this schedule, rather than take on any extra sessions. We want to make sure that my body is really ready to take on any extra work physically and be able to sustain that level without injury.

Which brings me to the part of sticking to my schedule where more is less. I don't know what it is. It could be the season coming into winter, but I'm finding too much comfort in slowing down. I'm seeking solace in time with my family and my keenness to get into my garden is forming part of my solace. I'm really not enjoying facebook at the moment and I despise the time that it steals from me. Even blogging has slowed down for me, and I'm not reading alot of blogs at present (sorry guys). Just catching some here and there and when I have time. That's just where I'm at, and it often changes depending on how I feel.

As I said, I'm finding too much comfort in slowing down, which means I have to be ever-vigilant when it comes to keeping moving. The fortunate thing is, I've been so disciplined over a good period of time, that my nutriton and exercise has become such an ingrained habit. I can still put in the ACTION, even when the motivation isn't necessarily there. I just make the plan and execute it, regardless of whether I am motivated or not (different from resting when you're injured or genuinely fatigued).

However, that doesn't mean it's easy. I still do it kicking and screaming sometimes. My head has been in a terrible place at Crossfit since I've been back after my latest hip injury. I was going so well mentally and in a great place physically as well, before the injury. Since then, it's been difficult to go back to Crossfit. I've been experiencing extreme bouts of self-doubt, especially my first session back last Thursday. I've been very emotional and pre-session apprehension has once again returned.

The thing is, regardless of how I'm feeling I'm still putting in the action, however hard I fight it, or whatever I'm telling myself at the time. Even when I get there, before the workout begins, I'm dreading the session and the effort I need to put in. And as always, once I'm into the workout, that's when mentally I begin to pick up and I feel that drive and I push myself. By the end I'm on top of the world and thankful that I turned up! But you know, at the moment, I'm still fighting it, rather than accepting it and letting it flow. I recognise that I've lost confidence again because of injury and I'm very protective of my body. I'm aware of the necessity to ensure my form, above all, is correct, and I need to keep this in mind. It means though that sometimes I feel less worthy because I could have lifted heavier, but deep down I know that this is stupid thinking. It's just ego, and I have to constantly remind myself that this is not a race against anyone.

So I have formed these habits of discomfort for a reason. For me to make progress I have to keep pushing myself, so I've purposely set these goals and put myself in a position to pull myself out of my comfort zone on a continual bases. That's what I love about Crossfit and being in the Army. These two things alone constantly challenge me and put me in a position of extreme doubt and discomfort. And regardless of how hard I fight it, I know that I'm growing and I'm getting better. These are only early days, and I know that there will come a time when the discomfort will have lessened slightly, because I will have developed a higher threshhold for that discomfort. Then I suppose it's time to find something else that's a little more uncomfortable. Somehow, I think that's a long way away.

As far as seeking solace with my family and gardening, I'm really enjoying this time with them, especially Philomena. Sunday I took her up to Mt Tamborine to a coffee shop/gallery/bookstore which I discovered last week called The Secret Garden. The photo on the website is very old and doesn't do it justice. I'll be going back again for coffee for sure, as they have beautiful gardens and a lovely setting on the back verandah overlooking the paddock. From the road, you don't even know what's there.

Anyway, I found out there was a children's book launch there last Sunday, so I took Philomena along. It was brilliant, and they had the paddock out the back all set up for kids, and then they had the book launch and reading by the authors, Mem Fox and Olivia Rawson. The illustrations were on display in the gallery. Philomena loves the book, 'A Giraffe in the Bath' and we had a wonderful time.

It really was an enchanting afternoon, and we traipsed the paddock in search of giraffes in baths, a sheep in the shower, and a zebra in the pumpkin patch, and other wonderful things to capture children's imaginations, as part of a quiz they had set up for the kids. It was like being a child again too, so Philomena wasn't the only one who enjoyed it. It's really times like these with Philomena, that I treasure the most, and that I've been creating more opportunities like these to be with her and get caught up in her imaginary world filled with wonder and delight.

And lastly, my garden. I am dying to get stuck into it and I want to buy some more azaleas and I definitely would like to have some camelia bushes. And in my quest to improve soil quality and have beautiful, healthier plants, I've bought a worm farm! It's just arrived, and I can't wait to get it going. As soon as Philomena gets home this afternoon from daycare, we will be setting it up. She's very excited about the slimy worms! Anyway, I just can't wait until I get my first lot of worm casting and worm wee to put into my garden...hee..hee!

Well...I've really got everything off my chest and I'm feeling much better after sending off an email to one of my most recent mentorees. Sometimes the best medicine for a disenchanted heart is to help another person, and that's when you realise that your life is truly wonderful, and to be thankful for the troughs and well as the peaks.

Have a great week!