Leaping from the Precipice...

"Those who dance are called insane by those who don't hear the music."

- Eddie Vedder

The last week was a very up and down week. I only trained twice, coming off the back of a physically trying week prior, and an army weekend. Last week I saw some nights with little sleep due to a little girl who had a good share of illnesses and mishaps. So that didn't help the cause, and it left me feeling tired and a little out-of-sorts. When I have times like these, it's when I need to be most vigilant, because I leave myself open to complacency. And as I spoke of last week, I was still grappling with emotional issues which didn't see me doing my best in the nutritional stakes. Nothing major, but consistently silly things...like nuts! Sounds trivial I know, but when it comes down to it, it's not about the nuts, but says more about my headspace and where I've been sitting...on the edge of a precipice.

So I've been thinking about where I am right now on this strange rollercoaster-of-a-ride in my fitness journey. I've reached a very important point, and I think I just didn't know how important. Theoretically, I know what I want, but I don't think I realise the significance, or the implications of what I want as far as my fitness goals go. Actually, it's not just fitness. It's more than that. It's in other areas of my life, and I've realised that I want to shake off those self-doubts I've had ever since I hurt my back, and lost my confidence. It's time to take responsibility for the goals I've set myself.

So here I am. I've done a recent review on how far I've come in the last 4.5 years (in one of my recent posts), and I'm amazed and thrilled at how far I've come. So it's only recently occurred to me (like today), that maybe, just maybe, I'm afraid of losing some 'wet blankets' (as my friend Peter Barr puts it) that have kept me protected and safe for like, 10 years or so now.

I think I'm also afraid of what I'm truly capable of and what the end result will be. Do you know why I'm afraid? As it is, people think I'm just a little 'obsessed'...a little 'driven'...a little too focused. Especially when it comes to my body - staying healthy and keeping fit. I recall someone saying to me the other day..."you don't want to be too fit". Crikey! What the hell does that mean? And how can anyone be too fit???

So, if people think that of me now, and I decide to up the ante, and really go for what I want, then how will I be seen? Yep...a real freak. And also...can I do it? Yes, all of us want to be accepted at some level. I'm a bit of a loner and I revel in doing things on my own and in my own way. No holding hands with another to go to the toilet for this chicky-babe. And yet...at some level, I, like everyone, still feel the need for acceptance.

This is where I'm at. I know it's time to leap from the precipice. It's time to move on and realise fully what's possible for me.

So anyway...Liz set me a task, so we can then look at a maintenance program. I'm to get to 56.9kgs and finish strong. I'm still sitting above the 57kg's mark and it's been up and down in the last week. I know it's not going to take that much, but you know, what it is going to take is that last step before I'm ready mentally to realise my next lot of goals.

I took these photos yesterday, because I wanted to see what I looked like in this dress (first 2 photos above). I went out on Saturday with a dear friend. We had a great evening listening to some wonderful musicians whose genre is celtic acoustic guitar. I'm pictured above with Alesa Lajana whom I first came across about six years back at the Woodford Folk Festival. I was delighted to hear how much her music had evolved since that time, and my friend and I commented about the interesting lives of musicians and how their life experiences are often reflected in their music, and evolves, just as they evolve as people. Their music often becomes richer and deeper - a reflection of who they've become.

And I was thinking that people's lives are like that, and depending on where their particular genius lies, it is often a reflection of if and how its' evolved. Artists' music is a simple way to understand this concept. But what about the rest of us? Peter Barr talks about different types of intelligence in his book, 'Born Genius'. It was a real epiphany to discover what my intelligence is. I think that really understanding where your genius lies, gives you permission to be who you really are and make the most of your individual life's journey. It's good to no longer feel guilty about being me and I no longer have the need or desire to compare myself to others. In fact, I have a deeper appreciation of people's differences and admiration for those who have discovered what their intelligence is (whether on a conscious or subconscious level) and are utilising it to achieve richness and happiness in their lives.

The 7 types of Intelligence, as Peter describes in his book are:

1. Linguistic Intelligence


2. Logical - mathematcial intelligence


3. Bodily- kinaesthetic intelligence


4. Spatial intelligence


5. Musical intelligence


6. Interpersonal intelligence


7. Intrapersonal intelligence

I won't go into detail about them all, but as soon as I read the definition of Kinaesthetic Intelligence, I knew that was me. "People with this intelligence process knowledge through bodily sensations. They are often athletes, dancers or good at crafts such as sewing or woodworking. Consider Muhammid Ali, Michael Jordon, Mikhail Baryshnikov."

So for me, my life story, my evolvement has always been through my body...my health and my fitness. It has always been the one thing, the one link throughout my life, and when I've gone down different paths which have broken the link to this theme in my life, that's when I've lost my way and I've lost confidence. I stumbled upon this truth when just before I started my IBO program. I had this feeling, this intuition, that if I could reconnect with my health and fitness again, that all other areas of my life would fall into place. And that is exactly what has happened. Of course at that time I didn't have a name for it. It's nice to finally know.

So here I go....time to throw myself off that precipice.