Thursday, September 30

Life IS the Messy Bits

Yeah...a bit messy...but it's life.
If you're offended - GET A LIFE!



After a couple of weeks of full-on in Wodonga, it was nice to relax on the recliner, not have to think much, and watch a predictable chick flick...'Letters from Juliet'. That's where I got the title. And what an AHA! moment, when I heard those words..."Life IS the Messy Bits". I had to write it down. I think there's a future book in that title (no doubt there is some book out there with this title...but if I've found that you've taken this title after reading this blog, I will hunt you down and......).

You know what really makes life interesting? PEOPLE! And without people in all their complexities, life would be so dull, don't you think?

It kind of struck me today, that in our pursuit of perfection, the things that we really seem to be drawn to are not so much the actual achievements, but all the shit (aka challenges) that happens to us in between....the messy bits. I mean...that's where the juicy stuff is right? That's what we all crowd around the water cooler and strain our ears for. That's where all the interesting stuff is.

We all love to hear of success stories, but what makes the story a real success is what happens on the way there. It seems the more bizarre and/or the more difficulties that happen along the way, the more we're inclined to tune in and take notice.

I mean, some people have some fascinating stories (not all, but then again, even the dull ones can be fascinating).

Now some (stories) are downright full of shit, and they never seem to overcome their shit, and you get a bit bored because their stories are only filled with shit, and then you wonder whether they'll ever square their shit away (please excuse the army speak).

And then there are others where everything in their lives seem to just fall into place. They read like a Barbie fairytale (and they look like Barbies too), like the ones I watch with my 4 year old....yawwwwwwn! You know the ones...blah, blah, blah...happily ever after. You don't even hang around for the finish because you know how it's going to end.

And then...there are those quietly unassuming lives. We look at these people and think they're pretty average. You know...they look pretty normal...nothing amazing. And then you ask them some casual, unassuming question, and they open their mouths and your chin drops to the floor and you think WTF??? You find that they have some degree in something you can't even pronounce; that they've travelled to some of the most exciting and exotic places in the world and fought crocodiles with their bare hands; have famous people as their besties; and they live in a weatherboard shack with their 12 kids, of whom some are fostered, and the rest are adopted from third world countries...AND...they're happy! What gives?

Sometimes I wonder where people find the time to fit in all the things that they do in their lives. A bit like those true life stories...you know the ones. The headline reads...'DOUBLE-LIFE EXPOSED. MAN WITH 2 WIVES, 10 CHILDREN - A DOUBLE-AGENT FOR CIA - WIVES SHOCKED!' I mean - where do these guys find the energy (poor Mr Weeny)? I can't even fit in all the things I want to do in one life! And my husband agrees - he can't even keep up with one wife, let alone the thought of two!

I was pondering about the richness and variety of life and I was thinking about all the things I've done in mine. I know there are others who have had challenges that could have destroyed many a great number of people, if they were to have experienced them. I consider myself fortunate that I have not experienced these kind of challenges. But I've had my challenges - like everyone.

And what struck me was how at the time, going through those challenges I would feel so small and inconsequential. I would feel weak and admonish myself for my stupidity or self doubt. I would wonder why it is that I feel so inferior when others would seem to rise above the moment and conquer their demons. I'm supposed to be the strong one, but I feel so weak, and I feel like a hypocrite.

But I've come to realise that all of these moments are just moments, and these so-called 'failings' were just mistakes. These mistakes were just experiences that led me to the next one, and the next one, and they changed the way I encountered my next experience. Without the previous one, how could I draw on it, and come to appreciate the uniqueness of the next experience, and the subsequent lesson to be discovered.

It's the cumulation of our collective experiences that signify the richness of our lives, and without those failings, those mistakes, those messy bits, how would we come to know when and where the peaks and tribulations are, and to extract every divine moment from them?

So at the moment, I'm in a little bit of quandary. For me, life is about balance, but it's the ACTION vs CUMULATIVE EXPERIENCES vs CONTEMPLATION that has me stumped. It's hard to explain. You know how it is if you want to pursue a goal. To achieve it, you must be single-mindedly focused. But what if you want to achieve more than one thing? Sometimes I think one life is just not enough to do everything I want to do, and still have the time to sit back, have that balance, and be able to have time to just observe and take stock of my collective experiences and appreciate. Oh well! Even if my life seems dull compared to others', at least I'm not bored. There's just way too much to do in this life time to be bored.

Geez I love being 40 something. At this age, endeavouring to create and then embrace all the messy bits becomes a bit of mission on the way to accumulating as many profound experiences as possible, on that (hopefully long) journey to the pearly gates.

11 comments:

Kek said...

So true, Kerry. I was reflecting yesterday on the truth that I will never be "perfect" or "finished", and that I'm quite OK with that.

You never enjoy the messy bits while you're wading knee-deep through the shit, but you always come out the other side a little stronger or wiser. And as you say; if everything WAS perfect, and you lived happily ever after, how boring would that be?

I have to go shower off some shit now. ;)

Raechelle said...

Great title...and yep too true!
Reminds me of a little Pema Chodron exerpt I just read today..."there is no happy ending"...life always just is what it is; people are always striving to make things more comfy, more pleasureable, more 'perfect'...and in the end they are less content then when they started. Because, as Kek put it, there is no finished...there is no perfect-they will always be searching to make it just right...I'm rambling; sorry...but well, you know what I'm sayin'....You already said it! ;-0

Anonymous said...

"You know what really makes life interesting? PEOPLE! And without people in all their complexities, life would be so dull, don't you think?"

Absolutely Kerry. I would go so far as to say that people ARE THE MEANING of life as far as we humans are concerned.

Andrew Swansson said...

Great Blog Kerry and as usual, straight forward and to the point.

I agree with tgace's comment about it being all about our interactions, both with people and places / events.

A great muscian once wrote that
" Life is what happens when your making other plans " .. as you said, life is all those messy bits in between your plans ...

Wendy said...

Great Post Kerry. REALLY !!!

40 and above is great and wonderful for the simple reason that you start to be honest and stop trying to impress others and start to grow up and just be yourself.

People are so INTERESTING. It is just that we usually do not take the time to listen, ask and comprehend. Everyone has a story. EVERYONE.

Cheers, Wendy

Kerry W said...

Yep Kek. I like that...never be 'finished'. And yeah...life would be so dull if everything was perfect. Just love those messy bits. I think Frankie calls them 'poo cherries'. :)

Yeah...I know what you're saying Raechelle. I agree, the more comfy we try to make life, the less content we are. I think it's the getting out our comfort zone that ensures we're moving toward perfection, fully knowing we'll never reach it.

So true Tom...people ARE THE MEANING OF LIFE! Thanks for clarifying that point further. :)

I have heard that quote Andrew. It's a great one and so poignant.

Isn't it just Wendy? (a great age) I think that's what I love about it most - coming to accept our own uniqueness, and then embracing it.

Fifi said...

I love being 40 something too. But I do start to panic when I realise I'm now closer to 50 than I am to 40 and feel like I've not achieved anything at all. But...still working on it...

I definitely blame it on those poo cherries though ;o)

Anonymous said...

Kerry, I love this post. I love the fabric of humanity and what makes us all tick as well. Life wouldn't be as interesting if it weren't a bit messy :)

Anonymous said...

"Now some (stories) are downright full of shit, and they never seem to overcome their shit, and you get a bit bored because their stories are only filled with shit, and then you wonder whether they'll ever square their shit away (please excuse the army speak). "

Oh god, please don't let that be me!


Kerry, another beautiful post. I really relate to your feelings about wanting to achieve so many things. I know that my weightloss process was so much easier when that was all I focused on. Now I'm into everything and just trying to strike that balance so that i can achieve great things in every area of my life.

Still - if anyone can do it.. you can! Booya! xo

Nicole said...

Hi Kerry, my first peak at your blog in ages, and I have to tell you this post is GOLD. I loved every single word of it. I love your writings. Beautiful xoxox

Kerry W said...

Yes Frankie..those poo cherries are definitely sent to test us. As far as being closer to 50, you look closer to 40 my dear! ;)

For sure Liz! :)

Of course that IS NOT you Judy! You've achieved so much already, so be proud of what you've achieved so far. But getting to a place in our health & fitness journey is not an overnight thing, as we've come to discover. And it's a journey, not a short trip. There'll be periods of smooth sailing and triumph and then there's the stuff in-between. We just have to get through the in-between stuff to realise our goals. I've fallen behind this year, but you know, next year is going to be another stellar year like 2009! And yeah...not enough time is there? But that's okay, as long as we're doing SOMETHING that we're working toward our goal/s and we're making progress. :)

Hey Nicole! Good to hear from you. I'm afraid I haven't even looked at hardly any blogs for about 1 month, it's been so hectic. And my internet connection has been dodgy. So today I finally got it fixed! Now, all I need is time to catch up on all the blogs. And I read you're blogging again? Good stuff! I hope to catch up on yours real soon. XOX

 

NO ORDINARY MOMENTS Copyright © 2010 | Designed by: Compartidisimo