Who You Are is Who You Choose to Be...



"Your story may not have such a happy beginning, but that doesn't make you who you are. It is the rest of your story, who you choose to be. So, who are you, panda?"

— Soothsayer to Po, Kung Fu Panda 2

 

 

 

 

Today has been an emotional day.  Actually, I've been emotional since about Thursday last week.  Thankfully, emotional nowadays no longer equates to emotional eating, as it may have in the past.  I think I've reached a certain milestone in that department.

 

You see...today I took Miss Philomena to the movies, and we saw Kung Fu Panda 2.  Wow!  I didn't realise how much it would affect me.  I was sitting through it thinking..."you've got to be kidding me.  This story is about me (sought of)."

 

To get to the jist of it, Po finds himself asking the very same question that I'm sure we all ask ourselves at some stage in our lives..."Who Am I?"

Though with Po, he was adopted (by a goose) and part of his journey in Kung Fu Panda 2 is about searching for the truth of who he really is, and where he came from. 

 

I won't tell you what happens because that would spoil it for those of you who haven't yet seen the movie.  I would recommend seeing it. 

For those who don't know, I was adopted at birth in PNG and moved to Australia when I was 4 years old.  Since Thursday, the literal can of worms has opened up once again for me, in my search to find my biological father and birth mother. 
I would like to know where my birth mother came from so that I know my ancestry and be able to tell Philomena about her ancestry in due time.  All I know is that my mother was from the PNG highlands.  Where abouts in the highlands I have no idea.

Miss Phil and I visited the Qld Museum on Thursday and the theme centres around 'Torres Strait Island'.  Now, I'm not from there, but I began to explain to Miss Phil where I come from, and where she is in relation to PNG, geographically (they have painted an entire wall with a map of PNG, Torres Strait and Qld).   It was then that I opened the proverbial can of worms and tried to explain to her that I was adopted.   I think it may have been too soon, and even though for Miss Phil it may be a bit confusing, I'm sure she's forgotten about it.  However, for me, I've lost sleep.  I don't think this issue will be put to rest until I find out where I am from...really.

The story surrounding my adoption and subsequent move to Australia feels so surreal.  I found out I was adopted at the age of 21.   I won't get into the details, suffice to say that if I was not adopted, and had my adoptive parents not sold up everything they had, and moved to Australia to keep me safe, I would have been married off at 10yrs of age, and would by now no doubt have umpteen children and goodness knows how many grandchildren.   So strong are the blood ties of the tribes of the highlands.   I would probably be illiterate and probably quite happy in my ignorance of the only life I would have known. 

Thankfully, this was not meant to be, and I am forever grateful for such a twist in fate - that two people cared enough about me to make such a sacrifice.  It is only now that I am coming to grips with the enormity of it, as it's only now that they are revealing more of the circumstances behind my adoption (sis, if you're reading this, please don't show this to mum and dad).

I have said this in the past, that I've never felt I've belonged.  Not in this country, and I wouldn't belong in PNG, so far removed am I from it's history and culture.  But I now know that is not true (that I don't belong).   I've been of the belief that if I found out where I was really from, that somehow I would feel like a finally belong, but in fact, I think it would make more obvious the differences.

It's also recently that I have also said that this is the best time of my life.  I finally feel content and happy.  I finally felt comfortable with being me.  Well I thought I did up until recently.

So...during Kung Fu Panda 2  I actually experienced a few 'AHA' moments.  An epiphany if you will.

It was the quote at the top of this post that really hit home for me.  Who I am is who I choose to be.  My story may not have a happy beginning, but that doesn't make me who I am.  It is the rest of my story...the one I am creating and living right now, who I choose to be.  And regardless of what ever comes of this search for my ancestry, it doesn't change who I am.  I know who I am. I'm proud of who I am and I still think this is the best time of my life.  I am happy with my life and who I have become, and I am excited about the person I will become in the future.