Yearning

"Yearn: To long persistently, wistfully, or sadly. To feel tenderness or compassion."

'Yearning of the Sword' is the title of one of the cello pieces from the soundrack, 'Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon'. It' a beautiful movie and a beautiful piece of music (Yearning of the Sword), and one that evokes strong feelings within me.

If you appreciate fine music, then I encourage you to listen to this piece. The cello solo is by Yo-Yo Ma, and the music is composed and conducted by Tan Dun, who also composed the piece, 'For the World', which is the soundtrack to the movie 'Hero', starring Jet Li. So if you enjoy this piece, then you will enjoy 'For the World'.

It always moves me to tears because I feel such a strong pull toward martial arts and everything that it means to me. It's been a huge part of my life and one that has helped shape who I am today in a significant way. As the title of this post says...a feeling of yearning. It's this feeling I've kept within me for so long when I pined for the loss of not being able to do martial arts. I would often cry myself to sleep at the thought and possibility that I would no longer be able to practice my beloved art, so all-consuming is its' hold over me. It's hard to explain its' hold, unless you've practiced traditional martial arts for many years. It's difficult to part with - and I assure you, I tried, when I thought that maybe it was best I let it go. But alas, it was not meant to be.

I've been dreaming of the day when I can return to my training and continue my journey where I left off. If all goes to plan, it will be in the second half of 2009, once I am settled into my new job and lifestyle of the Army Reserves (fingers crossed).

There is so much to learn and I've been very fortunate to come across teachers who are experts in their chosen art. It definitely helped me become an excellent technician and helped develop my ability to recognise the difference between average and extraordinary.
My only regret is that I wasn't able to continue in my training and continue honing and improving upon the skills I'd gained and trained hard in, for many years to accomplish. I wonder how good I would be now as a martial artist.

However, in saying that, even though the time away may not have allowed me to hone my skills, it has allowed me to hone my passion for martial arts. In my younger years I trained mainly for the physical prowess I enjoyed, and even though my training was steeped in tradition, I didn't understand at the time the sheer complexities of this amazing art and how its' lessons paralleled daily life. I didn't have the wisdom to understand its' deeper meaning and lessons it held for me, and still holds for me.

Now that I'm older, my 'why' is so much different and I know that this time around that the longer I train and the deeper I delve, the more it will reveal to me, and about me in the sense of who I can become, not just as a martial artist, but as a person of character.

So...until that day, I will continue yearning...though I know it's not too long now.