DOORS...Closing, Sliding, Opening...

"In oneself lies the whole world and if you know how to

look and learn, the door is there and the key is in your hand.

Nobody on earth can give you either the key or the door to open, except yourself."

- Jiddu Krishnamurti

One thing about this rehab phase - it's a great time for contemplating life. I mean, I love the 'working hard, training hard, pushing myself' phase too, however, I've never had a problem slipping into the contemplative phase either. The latest talk about closing doors behind you has had me doing some serious life evaluation. I did do a small stint of that at Kapooka, but now that I'm back in civvie world, I've had the fortune of a different perspective, to help balance things out.

I've slowly been organising things since getting back. You know...sorting cupboards, cleaning the house, getting things squared away, etc. It's a bit like a spring clean - there's alot of decluttering going on, and not just in the physical sense. With all the major changes I've had in the last 18months (which I know I keep going on and on about, but it's true), there's been some things which have been building up, and alot of unnecessary stuff which is a consequence of all the changes.

I decided last night that it's time once again to jetison some debris that I know will slow me down. So it's time to close some doors that are no longer practical to keep open; open doors to give space to fresh air and further opportunity; and slide open a particular door that's been moving back and forward for some time.

When I made this decision I was watching a DVD of my all-time martial arts hero, Jet Li, in Fearless. I get quite emotional watching it, and I decided to skip over the violent part last night, as it was too upsetting. Last night I replayed a particular part that always has me thinking, which is when Huo Yuan Jia (who-aw you-en jee-ya) is practising his forms on top of the mountain. The link above is a clip of the Fearless theme song, and even if you're not into martial arts, I think you'll enjoy the clip. It actually makes me homesick for martial arts, and in particular chinese wushu (just to digress...another storm is brewing here in Brissy...it's dark, cloudy and quiet apart from the storm rumblings and thunder...ahhh...just love this weather..it's so ethereal!).

Anyway...those emotions got stirring again, and I started thinking about goals for next year and about everything that is currently going on in my life. I've had some recent deadlines to meet for getting stuff in, and I came to the realisation that some areas of my life which were relevant 3 or 4 years ago, were no longer relevant and that if I was honest with myself, my heart just isn't in them any longer.

And so I asked myself...why am I carrying this thing that no longer has meaning for me?

We all ask this of ourselves every now and again I'm sure. And my answer to myself was...I'm hanging onto it, because I've invested so much time and energy into it. So I keep hanging on, hoping that one day it will produce results. However, it's like a learnt through property investing - sometimes it's best to cut your losses. Take what you've learnt from it; cut it loose before it becomes a noose around your neck, and move on to something more productive and conducive to your future well-being. So that's what I'm going to do. And you know what? Just from that one decision, I feel so much lighter and more excited about the coming year in expectation of creating some new and awesome goals for 2010!

And lastly...I've been spending less time on the computer and I've felt so much better and achieved much more. I've been reading; spending more time with Little Miss Phil; cooking meals and special things; and doing more gardening. I'm so enjoying my garden right now and watching everything grow and flowers bloom (after bringing it back from the brink of death). My favourite pastime is sitting out the front porch (if you could call it that) or back patio with a book and a cup of tea or during my small meals, and looking out over the garden and watching the trees sway, the birds flitting about, smelling all the wonderful fragrances of blooming jasmine and gardenias, and just being in the present. I'm now waiting for my wisteria and climbing roses to bloom. An appropriate description of life at the moment as stated in one of LizN's recent posts...intoxicating! So I've included some photos...my garden...jasmine (I have more growing than in the photo), gardenias, rhododendrons...and Little Miss Phil - my most treasured of all (oh...and it's just starting raining on our metal roof...how blissful).