Raising Daughters

Currently, I'm reading the above book by Meg Meeker, M.D. 'Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know'. It was a recent gift to AW from his mother, but I've been reading it as well, and I can't put it down. It's very interesting and well written, and it's from the perspective of a woman, whom as a daughter and a young girl, obviously had the fortune of having a 'strong father'. The author has also had alot of experience in dealing with 'problem kids' and family relationships, and she writes alot about particular cases she's dealt with, and the outcomes.

I'm really enjoying it, because I can see what we're doing, and I believe we're on the right track. I can also see that AW is a strong father and being a wonderful husband, I always knew he would be a wonderful father. My choice of husband has been and is a most wonderful blessing.

Philomena is now 3 1/2 yrs old. She's turning 4 in April. She's at a really delightful age and I love spending time with her. Watching her, I'm very proud of how she's growing into a little person, and how her character is developing. She's engaging, friendly, social, courteous, inquisitive, loving and just a pleasure to be around. And she's always complimented on how lovely she is by everyone.

However, I do realise that the world is such a different place, and as a mother, I have a legitimate concern about the pressures that the world places on our children to conform to ideals that are not in keeping with our beliefs. Society is teaching our children to be more selfish and to value traits that are not conducive to their long-term happiness, health and well-being. It takes a strong individual to resist the continual bombardment and to act with self-confidence, honesty and integrity.

The facts and statistics I read about in this book are quite frightening, so I'm glad that by reading it, I'm aware of what may lie ahead. I know we won't be perfect, however, by having a better understanding of what's required, I can be content in the fact that how we're raising our daughter will stand her in good stead to deal with challenges of the current world.

And to become a person who is content with whom she is, to live a life of hope, happiness, determination, kindness and humility.

So if you have young daughters (whether you're divorced or not), I'd highly recommend this book, not only for yourself, but your husbands/partners as well.

Here's the 10 Secrets Dr. Meg Meeker talks about:

• "the essential virtues of strong fathers - and how to develop them
• the cues daughters take from their dads on everything from self-respect to drugs, alcohol, and sex
• the truth about ground rules (girls do want them, despite their protests)
• the importance of becoming a hero to your daughter
• the biggest mistake a dad can make - and the ramifications
• the fact that girls actually depend on their dads' guidance into adulthood
• steps fathers can follow to help daughters avoid disastrous decisions and mistakes
• ways in which a father's faith - or lack thereof - will influence his daughter
• essential communication strategies for different stages of a girl's life
• true stories of "prodigal daughters' - and how their fathers helped to bring them back."

I hope you get to read it, and if you do, let me know what you think.

From another angle, I have to say that I'm aware that my current motivations and aspirations regarding the images that I put onto the net, are not necesssarily in line with what I want Miss Phil to think about her body. This is a dilemma for me. The images, which form part of my 'visual motivation', could be giving her the wrong message, so I have to seriously think about this and how it might be influencing her. I don't want her to think that being physically 'perfect' is a goal to be pursued relentlessly at all costs.

Though I had a conversation with her yesterday regarding 'being beautiful'. I was trying on the outfit I wore last night for my date with AW, and she said "mummy, you look beautiful. I want to look beautiful like you too". I thanked her for the lovely compliment and re-assured her that she was indeed beautiful. But then I asked her the question..."but what do you think is more important than being beautiful on the outside?" To my utter surprise, she replied..."people".

I'm becoming more wary, as Philomena is starting to ask about wearing make-up and lipstick, because some of her little friends are allowed to wear make-up, and I will not allow her to at this age. I suppose things will now begin to get more interesting, because she is at an age where she wants to wear pretty things. It's difficult balancing all of this, as I don't want her to become self-absorbed, as I see alot of young girls start to at this age.

Also, Anthony and I were hugging eachother and giving each other little kisses in the kitchen, and Philomena says to me..."are you and Daddy in love again?" (she says this every time to hug and kiss) To which I replied..."yes". Later on, she said to Anthony..."I want to be in love with little boys". Well, Anthony was taken aback and totally unprepared for that, but handled it well. For the time being he was happy telling her that she's too little yet to be in love with little boys, but it's okay to be friends with them. Oh boy! This is the start of some very interesting conversations. Well, I suppose, at least she knows that it's boys she knows she's supposed to like (and I don't care what your sexual preferences are - this is not a personal attack if you're gay - this is my belief and I don't care to be politically correct)!